The Doog House

2007-12-21T04:00:00.000-05:00

Well almost a year has been good...I discovered a LOT of new friends as a result of a lot of old. I have many many good memories of 2007, even if many of them werent in employment. But I had time to discover music, my friends, life, etc. I also in this lifetime reunited with a long lost woman who treats me more than right. I am crazy about her. This year ended better than I can imagine...I want to give a big one ups to Casey, Sheepy, HTG, Franklyn, and others that made 2007 a great year. I love you all. This was a great year and I look forward to PAC (People Against Censorship) in 2008. I got to see Mike and Bryan from boot in three weeks and I made them ALL envious of the Rock-A-Hula-Lua. Best party of the year till the 2007 RF.net 2007 XMas party in Crooklyn.

Long story short. I am happy to be home. I never belonged in the military in the first place, and beards fit me fine. I learned that from all that saw me from withing the military. If you all seen how much less of a cunt I am now, wow.

2007-01-22T03:46:00.000-05:00

Ok, 7 months and a forgiveness or two gets you right back in the writing buisness. And may I bless those people for that, I needed it to unleash hell on Earth again on this mundane innacurate world we live in.

Hell, I have an issue and a half to confront in my time away. My first attack is on ALL the hypocritical country music fans. Dont ask me why but I was chilling out to the iTunes here in the house, and many of the pre-selected music on these iTunes were chosen by my siblings. One of the artists were the Dixie Chicks...pre abolishment from the US. Now when I was overseas and all the news I heard was going on in the states. I couldnt believe country fans STILL booing the chicks, I was just reminded their "Leftists/liberal" attacks are not to be misread either. C'mon you goddamn yokels. Look in their song from 1998!! Wide Open Spaces is more of a metaphor on their philosophies on life than you realize, but were too dumb to realize.

Goddamn, lets break down the lyrics:

Who doesn't know what I'm talking about
Who's never left home who's never struck out
To find a dream and a life of their own
A place in the clouds, a foundation of stone
Many precede and many will follow
A young girl's dream no longer hollow
It takes the shape of a place out West
But what it holds for her, she hasn't yet guessed
She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes
She traveled this road as a child
Wide-eyed and grinning she never tired
But now she won't be coming back with the rest

If these are life's lessons, she'll take the test
She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes
As her folks drive away her dad yells, "Check the oil!"
Mom stares out the window and says
"I'm leaving my girl."
She says, "It didn't seem like that long ago
When she stood there and let her own folks know."
She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes

C'mon her wide open spaces are spaces away from people who only want to discern between Republican and Democrat. Liberal and Conservative. Etc. The point is the point of focus on the US citizen is lost. Lets fight this shit!!! Go down to your voting office and change your party to Independent. Send a message. C'mon you yokkels, wake up!!

2006-07-01T06:07:00.000-04:00

FIN...I am done writing on here. All it does is upset people. Enjoy yourselves.

2006-06-07T03:10:00.000-04:00

I am feeling inspired lately. I have begun working out for the first time in over two months. I have begun writing again, and I can read books again. I cant tell you all what has me inspired, and lets hope that this rising feeling remains. I shall reveal someday what has me inspired, in the meantime just know that things feel pretty good right now.

2006-05-30T15:42:00.000-04:00

Wow. Blown away. That is how I am feeling right now after completing Lost Season 2. It is 430AM and I have to be up in less than 5 hours but it was worth it to finish this season. Thank you to the writers for destroying all my theories on that show. Wow.

2006-05-22T08:02:00.000-04:00

"...Square peg in a round hole." That is how people refer to me being here. I see it more as being a triangle, which needs an adapter to the square which is trying to get into a round hole. I swear I am fucking cursed and that I will never have good in my life again. I am convinced of it.

2006-05-19T14:36:00.001-04:00

Im feeling pretty miserable lately and had a bit of sadness fit earlier (aka crying fit). I guess I am just feeling absolutley miserable again and dont know what else to say. People always tell me to call them but I hate to be a bother especially at 3AM. All you fuckers at home who have a network I envy and are lucky cocksuckers. I have to create my own network and am amorous enough that it is tough for me to trust people. And it seems the few I find to trust I feel the most awkward to contact. I took two of my 'happy pills' as I wallow here, and they havent helped. In fact they have made me feel nothing but miserable since the doc prescribed them. Yet what is funny is I put on a facaade for people when I talk to them or meet them. I just cant come to grips but tell people how miserable I am. It causes me to start breathing really deeply and hard. I just dont want to be a burden to anyone and feel like one to my family as it is. I dont want to be one to my friends as well.

I guess in the last few years these couple of weeks between my birthday and my moms have been tough to be honest. I lost my best friend 5 years ago. And my nightmares the last few nights have had him in them. They have also featured giraffes and my long dead pets, Spanky and Tiger. So go interpret for your own Freud fans. I watch season 2 of Rescue Me and see how the chick was trying to lie a preganancy to Dennis Leary and see how transparent to him and how SIMILAR it was to me and how much of an asshole I was to not see it and kick myself for it. Then again I kick myself for a lot lately. I guess truth be told I dont sleep a lot lately. Or I sleep too much. I dont know. Well I do know. I know that I seem to be 'Johnny come lately' for everything and wonder if I will ever find what the fuck it is I want to do. Or wind up as a hitman as this one guy promised me he will make it to a point I wont be able to get a regular job. He threatend me if I didnt study for this test he will drum me our of here dishonarably and I wont work for anyone. I immeadiatly thought I could begin life as a hitman and just ask the family I work for to be free reign to whack the cocksucker who drummed me out. And his family too. I dont need no reprisals. I guess I am talking totally crazy now. Ohhh well, fuck it. I dont give a fuck. Dont like what ya see?? Fuck you. Suck my cock.

I am off to wallow some more. Perhaps I might just make it through this weekend without taking a knife to my wrists.

2006-05-13T13:15:00.000-04:00

It seems lately people are trying too hard to be perfect. I seem to be one of the few people to admit I am not.

2006-05-06T15:20:00.000-04:00

Why?? Why is it all the great girls are taken??

Tonight I actually went out to a party and was complimented on my intelligence and my looks and was told 'if I wasnt married I would tak advantage of ya.' Uggggggjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nothing kills a mood buzzz like that. I seem to be meeting the MOST compatible woman and they are all taken.
FIN

2006-04-27T10:41:00.000-04:00

Suckers!!

That is all that I have to say to all the people that bought Sirius for Howard. Wow!! Today I heard some of the fucking best radio in years!!! Yes both shows are swapping old guests. Howard you can fucking have Dice. Pat Cooper fucking KILLED on O and A today. Goddamn! That was some of the funniest fucking radio that I have heard in years!! I dont remember laughing that long a time at one thing on any show, except for O and A about 6 years ago when they were doing the Iron Mike bit. To any who are reading this and dont have XM. Go get that fucking thing today. Buy it online the units, whatever. You are missing some of the best radio between Opie and Anthony, Ron and Fez, and the music channels. Holy shit, I feel like I have ran a mile that is how hard I was laughing.

FIN

2006-04-21T16:59:00.000-04:00

Time and passing out is a funny thing for ones soul...

I passed out on my toilet for like 3 hours tonight. I know I rarely indulge people in the movements of my bowels but this does has a point attached. I awake like 3 hours later and hock a loogie into my tub. I get up and what have you. Now in my cirrent job I work what is know as debrief/snack bar, relatively easy jobs. We put out a suggestion thing for the snack bar and the only real reaply we got was for Dr. Pepper. The other suggestions included: beer, cigs (which isnt a bad idea), t-shirts, and finally the point of this aimless blog, 'pull our troops out of Iraq.' On the latter I was proud to know that there is a 'silent majority' amongst my peers that they would post this. I know it might have of been in jest and part of a peer thing. But what is the old saying, behind every joke there is a truth.

I refer back to the loogie...I took a pee like three hours later and was horrified by what I saw. I turned on my water whilst I urinated. And the loogie wouldnt dislodge. Almost like how the Iraqi insurgents wont dislodge from Iraq. No matter how much pressure we put on them. It is time. Lets get our guys out of there. It is a lost cause, just call it that. We will respect ya more for that Bush. I know I am very proud to say I didnt vote for ya in 2004. NO qualms on that part here. I am one of the few in the service to express such sentiments.

2006-04-14T18:30:00.000-04:00

I love my cousin and my aunt Judy and Uncle Joe. They are tru reminders of people why I shouldnt do what I have spoken of. They are always looking out for me, and they like to turn around and say good morning and to the night. They are always there for me though. More than a lot of people I can speak for. These mother fuckers will always be taken care of as far as I am concerned. To my bro and sis, you have no idea what you are missing as far as these relatives go. I love ya Aunt Judy and Uncle Joe...as well as Erin...LOL. I wouldnt forget ya.

2006-04-13T14:13:00.000-04:00

"Gravedigger when ya dig my grave, can ya make it shallow so I can feel the rain??" A fucking great line from a great Dave Matthews song. This place gives me more and more reason why I am a piece of shit and that I need to just go away. Hell one of the uppity ups himself did it himself. Told me how much of a retard I was. I need to include this in case this is my last post ever. Also, if someone calls ya from 10,000 miles away, they might really, really need to talk to you cause they are feeling shitty and you can get away from your fucking game for TWO fucking minutes. I listened to a lot of people's shit over the years...you can give me 15 minutes just to rant. Thanks. Others, I understand why you were busy. I do. If I write after this 'que serar serar' but I am figuring that if Jesus died this weekend, I can too.

FIN

2006-04-08T06:42:00.000-04:00

Ill come in for your 'manadatory study', but I wont study this bullshit because frankly I dont give a fuck if I pass or fail. Dont like it? Fuck off. There is nothing no one will say anymore to convince me otherwise of a good reason to stay in this place or to hold my wits together anymore. As far as I am concerned I am a corpse, so therefore I am immune to the ways and means of your world. Ha ha, I know you hate it cause you can do all you want to a man except crush his spirit.

FIN

2006-03-23T20:28:00.000-05:00

Leprechaun Sightings.

It is a wee late for Pattys Day, but still fucking classic to watch. I was howling when they showed the 'amatuer sketch' so enjoy.

2006-03-22T10:41:00.000-05:00

Reason 236 why I want out of this place. I ordered a package from Amazon about a month ago and got an email from one of the places I purchased from to analyze the total purchase and give them feedback. The quote they wrote to me was "...we figured you should have of recieved it by now." The thing is, I havent recieved it yet. The mail delivery here is HORRENDOUS. So to anyone who sends me stuff and you are trying to do it within a time frame, good luck. It is not Amazon's fault but rather the roulette mail delivery system that we have here. Last year I didnt recieve one package for my birthday till a month and a half later. Just needed to bitch about that shit.

2006-03-18T08:41:00.000-05:00

"Jumped the shark"

A term that my friend Mike used regarding the fall from grace we have experienced with our other friends. And it made me howl. Something that others might read and be like "huh? explain", but it had me dying laughing. Also, all you can eat personal BBQ came seem good at first, but after your 6th plate of meat it is like "wow I feel my arteries hardening." It is good though for the Atkins dieter. Also, what happened to having fun over pranks pulled. Some people get too bent out of shape over something that is very funny. We get yelled at no matter what the fuck we do here so it might as well be over something that is a prank.

2006-03-09T20:08:00.000-05:00

Well I miss my mother
And I miss being her son
As crazy as I was I
Guess I wasn't much of one
Sometimes I miss her so much,
I want to hop on the next jet
And I get lonely, but I ain't that lonely yet
And I love my sister
Lord knows how I've missed her
She loves me
And she knows I won't forget
And sometimes I get jealous
Of all her little pets
And I get lonely, but I ain't that lonely yet

I roll over in bed
Looking for someone to touch
There's a girl that I know of
But don't ask for much
She's homely, and she's cranky
And her hair's in a net
And I'm lonely, but I ain't that lonely yet

I get my friend when I need one
I need someone to be one
I take anybody I can get
And sometimes I wanna call you
And I feel like a pet
And I'm lonely, but I ain't that lonely yet

I go down to the river
Filled with regret
I go down and I wonder
If there was any reason left
I've just before my lungs could get wet
I'm lonely, but I ain't that lonely yet

And I love my sister
Lord knows how I've missed her
She loves me
And she knows I won't forget
And sometimes I get jealous
Of all her little pets
And I get lonely, but I ain't that lonely yet
Yeah I get lonely, but I ain't that lonely yet

From the White Stripes 'Get behind me Satan" album

2006-02-22T14:21:00.000-05:00

I was sitting down the other day and I was doing a little bit of thinking and I realized something. I dont care about anything anymore. And no this isn't another blame this person or blame myself thread, but rather that I have no passion nor drive for anything at the moment. And that is why I am so lost, so burnt out.

Rewind about 14 years ago, and I became a member of one of the first things to really inspire a drive and a passion to me. I became a member of my volunteer firehouse. And within 6 months of me being an active member I felt a passion and a drive for that place. I was given a job, that was supposed to be temporary, as a company officer for one night. And the next thing I know it is 4 years later and my talents of organization and leadership are emerging. But more importantly it was good to be acknowledged for my merits and hard work.

Life had come together for me, I worked hard in school I got a job and I went on to my ultimate goal of getting my degree in history. I was full of passion and zeal. I graduated and worked for the US Postal service and life in general was great. I am the type of person who does what they set out to do in life, so I saw the post office as only a temporary means to something greater. So I saved every red cent I had towards the goal of becoming a teacher, getting that certification in it.

Then the firehouse let me know that all my hard work in the past meant shit to them and their new order of cronyism. Then I got myself involved in a poisioned relationship. Then I took a job with the school that brought me close to my ultimate goal but in a capacity that it was impossible to support myself financially on that job alone. Then I worked a second job. Then people close to me began dying. Then a person close to me demanded things of me that was impossible to give. Then I lost out on a great opporituniy with a great person. Then I began teaching certification classes and was told I was a great creator of lessons and learning, but I wasnt up to HIS model of what a teacher should be and thrown out of his program. Then I just lost out on more and more things. I ultimatly lost out on life itself. I got to where I currently am now, lost.

I joined the Air Force in the desperate attempt that it could be something I could care about again. Something that could drive me to greater heights again. I was wrong. I have just become lost and I honestly want to care about something again. I want that drive and desire I had when I worked for the post office. I really need something to believe in, something that carries me, and I just dont have that now. That is what I realize is my problem right now. And no therapy or pill will give me that. Despite peoples insistence that doesnt solve the problem. It just covers it up and leaves me open to the dilemma of trying to figure out what I need and want to do with myself.

I get a lil jealous of the guys here that like what they do. Not that I want to be a great maintainer of aircraft, but that what they do drives them, inspires them. Even if it towards the goal of staying here for the next 20 years or taking those talents elsewhere in life. That is what I want. I know here I am no maintainer, it is the one job that I am not accelerating at. I know there is something there for me, but I also know that what I want is not here in the Air Force. I really just want something to care about, something that is conducive to my talents. I am tired of my only option being teaching. Teaching is for suckers, chumps and yes men. I cant live a lifestyle like that again. I need to do something that matters. At least to me. And that brings me to where I am now. I realize now that I just want something to care for and believe in, because as of this moment I truly dont have anything like that. But I also know that there is something for me out there and that is what drives me to the next day. Hope.

2006-02-15T12:31:00.000-05:00

Yes, where we got three of our 5 gold medals as of the time of this posting:

"Dude, we won gold!!"

"Man, the snow packs the bong great. I was so toked when I competed"-Future interview in 'High Times' magazine:

"Like snow totally blinds me when I am soaring like, yeah"

And yes there are cute American Girls Playing for us:

2006-02-01T09:05:00.000-05:00

I am going to stop with the pissed off, self-pity posts for a while. I have decided to just get some help and get over all this BS that I have been doing for a while now. Not apologizing, not doing some reform thing. Just stating. I have been granted the time to do so, and will be doing it over the next few months or so.

FIN

2006-01-29T09:52:00.000-05:00

It sucks to be forgotten. People who used to IM me even just to say 'whats up?' don't even do that anymore. It is like I don't exist. And it is a shitty feeling. You go out of your way for others for years and you get NOTHING in return. I just feel absolutely awful right now. I just have no desire to do anything right now. I am all locked away here in my room, and I dont want to be here. I just want to take off for greener pastures as they say. I am too depressed right now that I am just rambling on here. I can't touch my keyboard, I can't write, I feel like I have gained 100 lbs and I have barely eaten anything in the last three days. I just feel absolutely miserable. I feel like I have cinderblocks on my back, literally. I just feel tired and miserable. Listening to sad songs doesnt help either.

FIN

2006-01-27T15:44:00.000-05:00

I am going to post something that picks my spirits up. At least for a little bit.

So I am sitting on my truck tonight at work and I am discussing something on the US Constitution and someone on their says as a quasi-compliment, "Sheridan you are one of the greatest sources of useless knowledge. I wish you would go onto Jeopardy and split your winnings with me." And that fucking scared me. The US Constitution is now considered 'useless knowledge'. WOW. I would have of been insulted if the comment had not been truly genuine. But I realize now at this juncture in the game that I am a vassal of knowledge. Eventually our society is going to implode in on itself and I realize now that my 'useless knowledge' of the Constitution, Locke, Montesqieu, Rosseau, etc is going to save future generations. And that many people are auditory learners. I have to contain this knowledge to spread to others so that the dream will never die. And that someone, someday will arise and overthrow this despondency that we have assuaged ourselves into. Someday their will be multiple parties and health care for ALL Americans regardless of race, religion, etc. Our race problems still exist, and they were more prevelant during Katrina than anytime. We need a national health care system for people.

And before anyone says "We need to defend ourselves from terrorists!!" I say fuck you, and your mothers too. Our US military hemorages money, money that can actually be channelled towards a legitemite education plan for the future, towards health care for ALL citizens, towards a strong infrastructure that DOES NOT need the US military's help to do jobs that civilian operations should be doing. Yes I am on a soap box now, but Goddamn it listen to my words!!! I only encompass the visions of the Jack Kennedy's, the Reagan's, etc. We need to open our eyes and change this mother fucking stagnant system that is taking over our people. We need change and we need it bad people. We need to get rid of our Corporate masters and break up the modern trusts that are forming under corporations and allow the true mechanations of Adam Smith and allow for a laisez-faire system. And get away from these words of Adam Smith: "And side by side with this museum of economical errors there was a most vigorous political economy which exposed them."

Smith spoke those words of rival economic power, France and how her political power ruined her economy. Smith knew the danger of hauling all your merchandise and your people overseas as is spoken in this quote: "He generally, indeed, neither intends to promote the public interest, nor knows how much he is promoting it. By preferring the support of domestic to that of foreign industry, he intends only his own security; and by directing that industry in such a manner as its produce may be of the greatest value, he intends only his own gain, and he is in this, as in many other cases, led by an invisible hand to promote an end which was no part of his intention."

The point of all this is that the enlightenment thinkers is where we have to turn to in order to find answers to our future. The problem is that we havent formulated the questions yet. I am a vassal from which to process these questions and have found a reason for me to live, even if it is for one more day. To answer the modern day question that can so simply be answered by the ancients. I must admit that I am a sucker for Zhu Ge Liangs references and allude many of my inquiries towards his teachings. Alrighty. That is enough of my ramblings for one night. I found one reason to take the pills from my mouth.

2006-01-23T00:01:00.000-05:00

I swear to God at this point I feel like such a burden to all my friends. I feel like all I do is bitch and complain to them, that as soon as I catch them I cant talk about whats going on with them but just how much misery I am in. Im sorry if I have caught any of you in the last few weeks on phone or IM with my misery. I wont burden you anymore.

What sucks is that I found out that I am losing another friend. I mean good for them where they are going, but it means one more person I wont have the fortune to see when I get home anymore. I cant take it anymore. I keep missing out on my life, I keep missing out on the good things in life, all for this fucking self imposed prison sentance that I feel I am going to break soon with a simple drink and downing of a few good pills.

I hate my life. I swear to God I hate my fucking life and I now hope that something terrible DOES happen to me in the next week or so. I just hate myself and all that I have done. I wish I was dead. Hopefully soon I will be.

2006-01-21T15:00:00.000-05:00

I will all let you in on a secret. I HATE talking about my job. I hate what I do for a living, I hate the fact that I choose it even though I felt like I was on a year long acid bender when I chose it. You all get the point.

I bring this up cause a good friend of mine in another base always writes to me on IM about doing the same exact job 12,000 miles away. When I talk to people from 12,000 miles away, I want to know what is up with your life, how are the kids, what new drinks have ya discovered, who are you fucking, etc. All sorts of topics except for work. I dont want to talk about work. So the other night when I was in one of my more precarious moods he wrote to me talking about, yes you guessed it, work. I dont even know what he said, what I do know is that I wrote something back to him that brought the convo to a complete screeching halt and I will share it all with you here now, cause it did give me a chuckle or two:

Good for him...he should tell them his hamster told him to stab the commander with those tools cause Kutulu ordered him while he was on a coke bender with Brian Denehey and they were sucking their dogs cock, and then a bird flew in and said that pepperoni pizzas were half off while the neighbor blew up spontaneously.

I mean to me that is almost like someone that is pissing you off with just blah blah blah and you yack on their shoes and die laughing as they walk away all pissed off. I enjoyed this. To Bryan, no hard feelings. But I HATE fucking talking about work here, I most certainly dont want to talk about it on IM. Gratsie.

FIN.

2006-01-18T14:19:00.000-05:00

Its amazing. When ya need to talk to someone, NOBODY is there for you. But when you dont need them they all want to know what is going on in your life. And people wonder why I am a pent up grumpy mother fucker. And when there is no more chances for help they all say "well if I only did this. People stink with their sense of timing. They want NOTHING to do with you when you are at your lowest. And after all you did for others. At least that is the way it feels like. I am sorry if this seems accusatory cause it isnt. It is just how I feel right now, so noone take offense to it.

2006-01-15T14:10:00.000-05:00

I have fucked up something good in the last 48 hours. I have gotten into a fight with a good friend, and I dont know what I said. I had drunk IM convo's and dont know what I said nor did. I feel like my world is collapsing and spinning out of control and that nothing good is going to come out of it. I feel absolutly awful about the fight I cant even recall. I have tried to call and apologize, but being drunk is not an excuse. I feel like I cant do anything right anymore and that something terrible is going to happen to me soon. I dont know. If whoever I was talking to on the phone last night reads this just know I am sorry if I was a dick. That is all. I am going to go crawl up on my couch now and allow my anxiety and worries overwhelm me.

2006-01-15T02:48:00.000-05:00

Ill be honest with you all, if I had a convo with you in the last three days I have been very drunk and I dont remember a Goddamn thing. I feel like I hit a wall and that my time is over very very soon. I honestly feel that something bad will happen to me and that I will be dead by May. I guess now I am feeling invincible cause that time is rapidly approaching. I dont give a fuck who is in my way or what your man given title are, you are a shithead through and through. Realize that people. Titles are just manmade gifts that we use to hold others down. Fuck them and defy them. If you learn anything from learn that.

2006-01-12T15:19:00.000-05:00

I miss Tiny Dancer. And that is a reference to myself before it is at anyone else.

2006-01-06T14:17:00.000-05:00

I know I havent written since my last joyous blog. But I have had a week to stew and simmer. I did not have the best New Years. In fact, no disrespect to those I spent it with, it was the worst New Years I have had since I was 13. But that isnt the point of this blog. I dont do resoulutions. I just do. Or I dont. It is that simple, and yet so eloquently ripped off from Yoda ala Empire Strikes Back. I love Elton John songs. I mean who doesnt?? Well I love his earlier works. Their is just so much feeling there, and when used in the right context it can be powerful moving shit. And I know I havent been so moved by a song since I heard 'Here comes the sun' after my best friend Artie died. I know when I first heard this song whose lyrics I will paste, they were played for a show and it had me in fucking tears. I have heard a lot of EJ's songs but I never heard of this one till that show. And the way it was used had me in fucking tears. I am doing my best to learn it on the piano before I get home so that I may express it to you all. Well they are from "Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters", I love this song:

And now i know
Spanish harlem are not just pretty words to say
I thought i knew
But now i know that rose trees never grow in new york city

Until you've seen this trash can dream come true
You stand at the edge while people run you through
And i thank the lord there's people out there like you
I thank the lord there's people out there like you

While mona lisas and mad hatters
Sons of bankers, sons of lawyers
Turn around and say good morning to the night

For unless they see the sky
But they can't and that is why
They know not if it's dark outside or light

This broadway's got
It's got a lot of songs to sing
If i knew the tunes i might join in
I'll go my way alone
Grow my own, my own seeds shall be sown in new york city

Subway's no way for a good man to go down
Rich man can ride and the hobo he can drown
And i thank the lord for the people i have found
I thank the lord for the people i have found

2005-12-31T07:52:00.000-05:00

I would like to say, Happy New Year to all. But to be honest, as I think about it, I havent had a good New Years (as in New Years Eve), since 1999 (that would be 99 into 2000.) I had to work the next day that year, but I didnt give a fuck and I had a blast. Since then I have not had a good NYE since that time. It depresses me, and being here in this fucking hell hole where I am not going out cause of a fucking curfew and B) I am stuck in this fucking shitty ass place. This very well may be the year that I chew on the lead bullet. My whole life has gone to shit since that year and to be honest I dont see things getting better. I see nothing but dark days ahead the rest of the way. And to be honest. Fuck that. I would rather be dead than face that shit. I know this all sounds whiny, but fuck it, it is my blog and I will write what I want. I havent made a good decision regarding my life since that time frame and things DO NOT get better. In spite of all that people will say "ohhh you are down now, etc." I see that it is all over. That there is nothing else.

To all have a Happy New Year, and I honestly hope that all your wishes come true. It is the least I can do for people since nothing has gone right for me.

FIN.

2005-12-31T01:44:00.000-05:00

Is not the best thing in the world is when you settle into a bed after a long day of work, school or whatever else has pre-occupied your day? Especially that first few moments when you rest your head and just feel all your troubles leave ya. I know that it is something that I thought about the other night as I rested my head on a blustery night of work. And really dont have anything else deeper to say about the subject except that. Sometimes, life is just that: about the simple things. That is all that I have to say.

FIN.

2005-12-27T12:27:00.000-05:00

God, i dont know what it is, but I have been all filled with anxiety lately. And as a result it is causing me to be a total fucking asshole where upon I am getting into fights with people and holding grudges where I would normally just let things go. I dont know what the fuck it is, but I do know that I am extremly over-sensitive as of late. I also feel like my skin is going to crawl off of my body and that I am all hot like. Maybe I am having a stroke. I also am finding that I feel an incredible amount of tension around this one group of people that I hang out with here.

Maybe part of it is the fact that we never do anything except go out to eat with these people. Then we all go back to their house and watch fucking animal planet or Home and Garden TV and the husband plays the comp. We do nothing. And as all of you from home know, I love to watch the tele and curl up in pj's. But I also love to go out and go do things, and go to places. I honestly hope that they start another forceshaping program cause I need to get out of here. I need to find some peace and I am not accomplishing it here. And the anxiety is getting worse. I need to take a lil vacation from these people, except my friend Mike, cause I trust my instincts and I know that their is an unspoken tension that has been growing. It all blew up at XMas when I got into an argument with one of their friends over a chess game. Not good. And things will get worse once I have to go live at my dorm room again. So expect to see a flurry of bitching posts in the next few weeks.

Here is one of my outlets for letting off steam. But I really need to like chat with someone from home cause this tension is killing me and I just need some people to vent too. And I cant always just be calling my house cause they dont have that unique persepctive cause they are my family. I guess that is my rant for the day. I chat later.

2005-12-25T10:48:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas.

Happy Hannaukah.

And a Festivus for the rest of us.

2005-12-22T14:31:00.000-05:00

Ok. I know another part of me that is bothering me that I am again realizing. I was too fucking mature too fast. I dont want to say I was 'forced' maturity upon myself. But I always had to hear for most of my life "what would you father think..." and that mother fucking shit stuck with me. I was always forced to be a timid person who held back on what he said. As a result I became very anal, and OCD about organization. As a result of these obsessions when it came time for me to enter adolescence and the firehouse as well I was very 'mature.' I was looked upon as a leader and was given duties that NO other 17 year old was asked of him and I have to say that I performed them magnificentally. I was rewarded with as the youngest recipient of the 'Fireman of the year award' and I also worked a very responsible job. I then went to school and was very much not the laid back cat I am now, and even though I had good times, I didnt have the ones that I lament upon. I go to work a very responsible job at 23 and by April I snap.

Where am I going with this?? I think the reason I am such a laid back cat now and dont give a fuck about what I do now and have no clue about who I am or what I want to do is cause I skipped my adolescence. Does this mean I am regressing to an adolescent?? Yes and No. I find myself lashing out at things I should have of years ago. No cause I am not a total cocksucking douche, although some of my ex's might contend. I skipped a whole part of the 'normal' growth process of adolenscense and threw myself right into adulthood. Maybe that is why I 'regressed so much in the last few years. The late nights when I had a job in the morning, the I dont give a fuck attitudes about jobs, joining the military at 29, instead of 19, etc. I have done shit backwards instead of forward. And maybe that is why I have such great regrets about my life. I did all my shit backwards and also wasnt in the right frame of mind to see what the right things to do were. Maybe that is why I heard certain things and my heart aches like I 'missed the boat.'

I once had someone tease me about memories that I missed out on cause I was being 'responsible' and to be honest it was some of the worst torturing that I have ever recieved. And like a caged animal, I took it. I just couldnt lash out and say 'yo, go fuck yourself.' And knew that shit would be cool after a long discussion. I just skipped and oppressed the rage factor of my life. Maybe that is why I 'lash' out so much against myself here. I am leaving a trail for others to read how far I have come in the last few years. Maybe it is for myself to read. I know this isnt a heavily populated blog. But that isnt the point. The point is that I get over the part that I lost and start living. Cause one day it could literally be my last with the line of work I am in. I need people that are willing to live their lives and not vicariously through their wives, their TV's or whatever else. I am ready to live, breathe and see. All those who want on. Cool. All those who wish to read about it. Cool too. I just know what I want. And that is all that I can say.

I guess the point that annoys me though as this person who has discovered himself is the disgustingness I see in humanity. I mean I am at a house now for the next two weeks as I have been at for the last two weeks and the dude I room with here as we housesit for two dogs is one of my best friends. But he talks about going to the whore alleys here in Okinawa. And that is one thing I could never lower myself to doing in my life. Paying for sex. Maybe it is just the disgustingness factor. Maybe it is my education kicking in on the odds of getting an STD, but I just cant do it myself. I find it more sexy for two people to explore the most they can about each other. Although I also believe in the idea of 'test driving' cars before we buy them. I guess what I am ultimatly saying is that I am not dead, and to me surrendering to prostitution is a sign that you are dead.

Maybe it is the drinks typing now. Maybe it is the time of the year. Maybe it is the distance to all that I speak. Either or I know that I speak wisdom cause these thoughts came screaming to me, and to abandon all else that I was doing to type them. Although I know later that I will realize that I forgot a thought.

Summary: Dont do whores. There are soooooo may people out there for other people. Live your life. Free your mind. Get away from those you love every so often to get your thoughts in order. Do things that you know deep in your guts are the bestest choices for yourself and not for someone else. Not to please someone else. And do as much as you can before you expire in this life. Have no regrets. And never, NEVER let go those that we can hold onto till we gasp our last breath. It will kill you more than any cigarette can.

2005-12-21T10:23:00.000-05:00

The Critics are Right. The movie Cindarella Man is a great little picture that has not been seen by too many people. As is evidence by its total receipts at the box office. Maybe it was the title that doomed the movie. Either or it was pretty fucking good.

Also I went on a lil Indiana Jones kick last night and noticed a few cute things about Temple of Doom. One, the club in the opening sequence is 'Club Obi-Wan'. And two, is Dan Akroyd is in the movie. You have to look for him in the start of the picture. But he is there and has a small bit part.

2005-12-17T18:38:00.000-05:00

It truly is funny to realize that you have lived your life vicariously through other people and not through yourself like some aimless slime. Does this bash those I have lived through?? No. Do I regret doing it though?? Yes. Does this mean to those I lived it through death?? No. Some of those I care about I still talk to. Others, fuck them. They used me for their own purposes and I used them for myself. To me, to admit to all of this, it feels like I am riding one of the Rohirrim through the Battle of Pelennor Fields. I feel like a coke addict that has awoken from a bender minus the presidency. I know I did two corny cliches in a row. But once again it is part of the awakening of Dennis Sheridan that has taken place. I can honestly trace memories up till April 28, 2000 very easily, but after that, everything is blurry. Like I lived it all on acid. I have a desire to do things like am 24 years old again, although my hairline proves my age. Some people helped make those times memorable, some made it a nightmare. Either or, I have moved on and gotten over much of my past. Not all of it. But enough to get me by for now. The rest is for my therapist.

I do have to say to certain family members: How in the hell can you still rank the Star Wars Trilogy as one of the best sagas ever if you have never seen the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy?? Trust me, as a saga LOTR trilogy blows the entire Star Wars one out of the water and is the basis for Lucas' many adventures. Besides 10 Academy Awards, including best pic of the year. Enough said. Yes this site is the ramblings of a wannabe writer but whose audience is so limited to a few. I vent and I bitch. Some days I am pleasant to myself. Some days I am not. It is still my site and I will publish what I want and when I want. Other days I hate myself and want to chew on a bullet. Either or this is a place for all to see how I go through my days and carry on in spite of all challenges. I will do my best not to blame others for my mistakes in life (ie. Desiree, etc). Although that path is easy to do. Like I have stated in a previous post, I wish I had this blog like 5-6 years ago to see how far I have come and how far off the beaten path I got from what I wanted.

I guarantee if I hadnt taken the retarded path to it I would have of learned to hate teaching in my own time, not cause of all that was going on in my life. Like I have said before, teaching is for suckers and fools who cnat make it in the real world with their talents. Well not those in college, but the HS and Elementary world who hold the title of 'doctor' but have no real skills. Those people deserve to be disrespected till the day they prove they are allowed to have respect. Till that day have fun disrespecting them and telling those people to fuck themselves. Especially silly cunts from the Clarkstown School District. I guess this is my big ole 'fuck you' post that I never got around too. Fuck you 'Rock'. And all the other cunts who think they are holier than though and want to harass my family after I went to the military. I hope you all find lumps on your genitals.

I have held back too long on that subject. Fuck you Dr. Kelly from Dominican University for being a pompous non-teaching mother fucker. How dare you fucking give a person who is working two jobs including one a full time sub job a hard time cause he got his job due to wits. You know you were fucking pissed at that fact and couldnt cope with it you faggot mother fucker. I hope one of the schwoogies from the Bronx jack you up when you fuck them over. You wouldnt know a days hard work if it slapped you in the face with a cock. Or maybe you would you fucking faggot. Ha! That was three years of frustration off my chest there. I expressed it to hot Stacey from that class I was in June 2002 with last December but never got around to telling this smattering of reader audience too. Wow, I guess I feel better and better each day that I let out what has been bothering me for the last five years. I feel more of a burden lifting from my shoulders.

Once again, I can measure most of my life by movies and books and songs realize how much I threw away. For a good chunk of it for one sick person. That is why when I hear songs from the 1999-2002 era I literally feel my heart freeze and painess overtake me for how much of a jackass I was. I will say here and now fuck you and the horse you rode in on that person made my life miserable in that time frame. But it has already been said. But hey, it has been said before and is all done as far as I am concerned. Oh well. Que Serar Serar. This is my post. Enjoy it fuckers.

FIN.

2005-12-09T22:12:00.000-05:00

And the dark tide rises ever further...

The right have struck a blow against scientific thought in the heartland today with the beating of a professor who disagreed with creationism. A place where the constitution doesn't exist anymore, and religious fundamentalism is just as bad as it is the Middle East. The nation falls further and further behind as these people gain more and more ground and led by the chief fundamentalist located at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Hide in fear all ye people who wish to achieve scientific knowledge is the message that is sent today.

STORY HERE

2005-12-09T01:37:00.000-05:00

Fighting for??

Today I was playing partypoker.net and somebody was in the room bashing Mexicans. I came to the defense of them cause some of my co-workers are of hispanic decent and are not the boogeyman this guy was spewing out. I also said that I was in the USAF and this said that I was "a fag who got away cause of 'dont ask, dont tell." And then he proceeded to tell me that I hope I get shot.

Remind me again of what it is I am fighting for?? For assholes like this to spew hate?? I truly give up on all. There is nothing worth fighting and dying for anymore.

Viva Anarchy!!

2005-11-26T15:01:00.000-05:00

Ok I put this shit up on my very own myspace page and will put it here. Enjoy!

* Known as: Dennis or Doogie
* Lives in: Okinawa, Japan
* Birthday: May 7, 1976
* School: Bachelor's Degree, My BS in BS
* Religion: Catholic
* Shoe size: 10 1/2, 10 in boots...
* Hair color: Brownish with natural red highlights.
* Eye color: Baby Blue

Section 2 - Have You Ever...
* Cheated on someone?: Yes, with someone farrrrrrrrr better than my girlfriend.
* Been Cheated on?: Never had it proven.
* Fallen off the bed?: I broke my foot board, so does that count??
* Broken someone’s heart?: Yes
* Had your heart broken?: Yes
* Had a dream come true?: More than once, I have had a full life, and am not 30 yet
* Done something you regret?: Yes. I think of it everyday since June 4, 2000 and how my life has been worse cause of it.
* Cheated on a test?: Mainly in Tech School. I am no mechanic.

Section 3 - Currently
* Wearing?: My Mets PJ pants. Love my PJ pants, all 10 pairs of them.
* Listening to?: Depeche Mode "Personal Jesus"
* Located?: My US Government approved rubber room that is my dorm room. Need to have a pic of it someday.
* Chatting with?: Bryan from Oakland.
* Watching?: Lost, season 1. Getting into the whole thing and am addicted
* Should REALLY be doing?: Fucking the snot out of someone. Hey why lie.

Section 4 - Do You...
* Brush your teeth?: Am I an animal?
* Have any piercings?: Not anymore, used to have eyebrows pierced
* Drive?: Yes, and on the opposite side of the road!
* Drink?: Enjoying a Sam Adams now.
* Smoke?: Ciagrettes, no. Cigars, every so often. Toked up, not since like 2001.
* Got a cell?: Not here in Japan.

Section 5 - The Last Person You...
* Hugged?: I believe it was Marie. Before I left for Japan.
* Kissed?: Christie. At the break.
* IMed?: Bryan
* Talked on the phone: Me mum.
* Yelled at?: More than likely someone at work

Section 6 - Personal
* What do you want to be when you finish college?: Still don't know. I just know I don't want to go back to teaching. Teaching is for suckers and chumps!
* What has been the best day of your life?: June 20, 1998. The day I did my 1st Baseball Hall of Fame speech.
* What comes first in your life?: Educating myself. Whether that be in literature or music or the arts. Educating myself on something new everyday.
* Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: No
* What are you most scared of?: Not finding what I want to do with myself.
* What do you usually think about before you go to bed?: What I need to do to get my life back into order.
* Did you lose someone you really loved?: Yes, too many enough. Some have died, some living. Even now typing it is very tough for me to do, cause it brings their memories racing back to me.
* How many times have you fallen in love?: Twice...possibly a third.
* Love your family?: More so now that I truly understand the definition of solitude.
* Love your friends?: They all know it.

Section 7 - Favorite
* Movie: True Romance.
* Song: The good life, Weezer.
* Band: Too many to pick just one.
* Store: Abercrombrie.
* Relative: My cousin Erin, well in the lead as I don't have a high opinion of my yuppie scum other cousins.
* Sport: Baseball...you haven't read my profile have ya??
* Ice Cream Flavor: French Vanilla
* Fruit: Oranges. I am always eating oranges.
* Candy: Reese's Pieces
* Day of the Week: Friday. All sorts of steam blown off from everyone. Interesting times to be around people.
* Color: Blue.

Section 8 - Do You
* Like to give hugs?: Whenever I can. Haven't actually hugged someone since January of this year. How fucking pathetic is that??
* Like to give kisses?: Long slow deep wet kisses that last for three days.
* Like to walk in the rain?: Fuck yeah. It reminds you that you are human and bleed, freeze and more importantly are not invincible.
* Prefer black or blue pens?: So little choices. I go with green, fucker!!
* Like to travel?: As much as I can.
* Sleep on your side, stomach or back?: Side. Right side.
* Have a goldfish?: No.
* Ever have the falling dream?: No.
* Have stuffed animals?: Yes, Figment the Dragon from Epcot Center.

Section 9 - What Do You Think About...
* Premarital Sex: You have to test drive the car before you buy it!!
* Abortion: Pro-Choice here. The choice to have an abortion or use contraception or adoption. That question is demonic and too fucking right wing!
* Suicide: Food supply in world is short enough. Have fun.
* Smoking: Only if you have them
* Eating disorders: Fucking disgusting. We have a society where a problem is eating disorders?? Wow.
* Summer: I love Spring. Always good times during that time of year.
* Tattoos: I don't have any. Pick one that is right for your personality.
* Piercings: Want to do them again.

Section 10 - This or That
* Pierced nose or tongue?: Tongue, great for oral sex on both partners.
* Single or taken?: Taken.
* MTV or BET?: Well for video's BET cause MTV NEVER has videos on.
* 7th Heaven or Dawson's Creek?: Let's just carve my dick up and push into my body for that vagina feel.
* Sugar or salt?: Salt.
* Silver or gold?: Gold.
* Chocolate or flowers?: Flowers are living.
* Color or Black-and-white photos?: Depends. Black and white capture more of a story when used right.
* M&Ms or Skittles?: M and M's
* Stay up late or sleep in?: I am an insomniac as it is.
* Hot or cold?: Cold...always better to bundle up than it is to feel all sticky with humidity.
* Mustard or ketchup?: Both, especially for hot dogs. But it has to be golden mustard.
* Spring or Fall?: Are ya retarded? You asked me this before. Spring fuck-o.
* Happy or sad?: Riding high on a deep depression. The doctor even had a term for it, but I dont remember what it was. Something like dystemic. Basically I am always in the negative end of the spectrum, I am a miserable person and often do pray. For Cancer.
* Wonder or amazement?: Wonder, leads to scientific know how.
* Mexican or Italian: Italian. Hot girls, great food and great wine. Viva Italy!!
* Candy or Soda?: Soda. I am like a humming bird with it anyway.
* Pepsi or Coke?: Does it really matter??

2005-11-24T17:01:00.000-05:00

Ok, I know that I have said this before but I also know that many people DONT read my blog. So I am going to post this and attach my blog to my AIM profile so that ALL see this. STOP with the '...we are all proud of what you are doing' and the '...we support what you do.' Stop!! I know I should be thankful and this isn't the Vietnam Era where you had to leave for vaca in your uniform making you a target for protestors. I am thankful for that. That is what I am thankful for that this Thanksgiving. But here is my personal gripe with it. You are giving ME credit for what some dude/dudes/chicks are doing in Iraq. And if you truly knew me you would know I don't take credit for others work. I take credit and revel in the work that I did like a regular ole ham. But the taking credit for what others did?? Fuck no!! That isn't me. I wont ever do it. And I am not going to start doing it. So please, I beg of you, stop with the thanks to me. If you are doing it, then you don't know me.

2005-11-22T12:07:00.000-05:00

Know what is weird? I can trace the last couple of years of my life through this blog. I had left some comments on another friends blog about 'how I have nothing to wirte about and am thinking of shutting mine down'. Then I actually started reading all my posts. It is weird to trace your life through the reading of the blog but it also can give you some perspective when you have been writing on it for so long. Albeit, I have huge gaps at times of when and what I wrote, but you get the point. I wish that I had it a few more year back to really track my life back, but the last couple is enough.

I am rambling, let me get to my point. The thing I realize about myself is that I am a generally miserable person. Yes I have my days where I am a smiling fool and what have you. I also was like a fucking high school girl for a while there. Having leeched onto other people's lives and did not really know who the fuck I was. I know it is a theme that I harp on a lot here lately. But reading my past, I see just how true that statement is. I can sit here and say 'wow' and feel a little uncomfortable reading some of the drivle I put up here. It does feel like I am watching a tape of some loser that I would be 'mysty-ing' and then shouting out "Hey! That's me!!" Am I saying that I haven't had fun in the past. No. But I also wasn't entirely aware of what I was doing, that much is apparent. I truly was a lost mother fucker. Am I here to be all 'Mr. Inspirational Tape'? And 'Do what I did, it will save your soul'? Fuck no. I am just re-itterating some facts that might have been aparent to some, news to others, but most importantly, a little alarming to myself.

Fact is I haven't 'saved my soul' or know what direction my life is going. I do know that I have perspective again to not do stupid things and am not afraid to say I dont like something or I dont want to do something. That other shit will come later I believe. And this doesn't mean that I am not going to be sad anymore. People that go from months of happiness to months of saddness are fucked and need therapy and/or meds. We are humans, we are emotional and we vary. I admit I dont handle those changes so well and whine and complain like a lil cunt at times about that. But hey, at least I can look back and say 'wow, you little bitchfest.'

As for being miserable in general. Yes I am. I still love to joke and have a good time. But I am a bit on the miserable side. I have some ideas what can end my misery but have no realistic way to carry those plans to fruition so I do have to "deal with it" for now. My outlets are of course many of you. So if you catch me on a ramble where I am ultra-happy or ultra-enraged cause of some Intelligent Design debate. Dont take offense. It is part of my nature and the venting is a good part to keep the soul from exploding and ripping the faces off of people in arguments. It is who I am.

Finally as for wishing I had the blog a few years prior, it would be cool to see just how far I have come. Because the fact of the matter is, I have come a long way in such a short period of time. I had a few bad times that I caused to linger longer by dwelling on them. I have had some good times. They arent written here on my blog but they exist in my heart and mind. Trick is to balance them out and not let them interfere in the present here and now. I see that now. I also see a lot of decisions that were bad, ie trying to teach when I was in denial to myself that I just wasn't happy doing it. The point is, I see what I fucked up and will do my best to not repeat those mistakes again. I am not perfect, I am flawed, I am human. Not some divine being that people create to fill in the gaps of answering why human beings are flawed without any real proof or facts. Whatever. I guess that is all that I have and may edit, may not, depends on what I see as spelling typos but many of you get the point. And to be clear this isn't a "dont do what I did" or "I have the solution and secret of life". This is just a post made by yours truly. Enjoy it. I know that I actually enjoyed writing it. Ohhhh and fuck you and the horse you rode in on if you don't like the fact that I end all my posts with 'FIN'.

FIN.

2005-11-19T13:37:00.000-05:00

Amazing is, when you are young, impatient and bored time can't speed up fast enough for you. When you are older with more patience, it doesn't slow down enough. We also just can't make up for time that we lost. Just the chapters in our life need to be rewritten to fit into that part of our schedule. A few thoughts I pondered earlier.

2005-11-16T13:49:00.000-05:00

Get well soon Fezzie. We are all pulling for you especially since you entertain many of us everyday where upon we take and take and take. Sometimes we all forget that you are a human being with limits, but thankfully you werent limited from the world. We all love ya Fez, get well soon!

Fez on the left for the illiterate.

2005-11-10T14:15:00.000-05:00

New Music.

I have to quote something I heard Ron say from the Ron and Fez show about a few months ago when talking about music. He said that most people will discover new movies and books, yet will still listen to BTO like it came out yesterday. Something happens with music that we get caught in a time warp and we can't escape. I like to believe I am immune to that, but only time will tell.

My point is that discovering new music is almost tantamount to finding a new soul within ourselves. It is refreshing and invigorating, and makes ya feel like a million dollars. No, I am not at the levels of happiness I wish I was at, but I am at somewhat of a plateau level that I dont care. It isnt a placebo but rather a temporary fix that will never be satisfied by my insatiable quest to find what it is that makes me happy. New music is just great for the soul and makes you realize that there is stuff to fight for. That there is a beginning and an end to all things. That no matter what the fuck we did before it doesnt mean shit compared to the people that we can become today. Hence why the stuff we do in HS, outside of shooting up the school, never comes back to haunt us. Cause there is a beginning and an end to all our lives. Even if they come and go in cycles of style, no matter what who we are gets recycled. That is the lesson for today. Find new music. No matter the genre. It will invigorate you.

FIN.

2005-11-06T15:12:00.000-05:00

Sequels.

Why in the world does the Hollywood world think we need sequels. Yes I will give you that Star Wars and Godfather movies needed sequels to explain deeper the characters and where they came from. But does that formula hold true for every movie. More less than we would like to admit. Why did Father of the Bride and Chinatown need sequels?? They stood just as well on their own. No need to add more as we weren't overly concerned with these characters. They did their job for the years that they were in existence. And some movies really would be great movies if not for the sequels. Especially in the case of the Rocky Movies. A few years ago a poll went out by ESPN for their 10 greatest sport movies of all time and #1 was 'Raging Bull.' A- cause it is one of the best fucking movies ever. But B-it captures the triumph and the tragedy that follows a boxers career. A close up on the tragedy of humanity that was rivaled only by the original 'Rocky'. Point being, Rocky would have of been #1 if not for all the sequels. And now Stallone is doing Rambo IV and Rocky VI. The Jews have a word for you Mr. Stallone, and it is schmuck!! Do you need money and attention that bad?? Just stop. I have to stop here cause I am about to go into a 'Raging Bull' tizzy and why that is the best piece of art put on film in the last 30 years and veer away from the subject.

FIN.

2005-11-04T03:45:00.000-05:00

Buyer Beware!

I have a Kenwood CD player in my lovely little Honda here in Okinawa and I can say that my experience with it has turned me off forever from buying Kenwood products. I buy CD's that are brand new but the mother fucking CD player wont reckognize it, and yes I had a cleaner run through it and it still doesnt work. Buying a Kenwood is tantamount to letting terroists into your home. Ok so I dont feel that strongly, but felt a need to mock that old saying from the Bush camp. Anyways, stay away from the kenwood systems, they are the devil's spawned systems and they will condemn your music to the fiery chasms of Dante's fifth level of hell.

2005-10-30T07:37:00.000-05:00

Ok a plea to parents out there. Keep your fucking kids at home when you go to a movie theatre. Especially when they are less than 2 years of age. What the fuck is the matter with you bringing your little crap factories to a theatre when I am trying to enjoy a flick and have to hear the little fucker cooing. It isnt cute, your kid IS NOT special in spite of all your insistence, and you are an inconsiderate fuck to the rest of the patrons that are trying to enjoy a good flick and have to have moments interupted by crying babies. Dont want to pay for a sitter, or listen to people like myself bitch anymore. Close your fucking legs, tie your tubes, use a coathanger, I dont give a fuck. The world is overpopulated enough, we dont need a further reminder why social programs funding is dwindling by listening to your little cooing fucker when we are trying to be entertained.

FIN.

2005-10-24T05:47:00.000-04:00

Some Japanese Pictures.

These aren't all the pictures that I have taken here in Japan, but they are some good ones that I liked and loaded. The system was taking too long to load, so there will be more to come, but I must admit that I love this shot.

2005-10-16T04:31:00.000-04:00

"Your not missing anything..."

Easy words for people to speak when you have access to all sorts of things, yet they don't take advantage of them. People who speak these words to me don't realize the greatness and majesty they have every morning to do something new with their lives, yet use their jobs as excuses to not do them. I wish I was in that position again where I could see things left and right without the worries or care of a job. I would rather have the position of being unemployed, but seeing the world as opposed to the position I am in now. And before someone sends me another reply with "..we're so proud of what you do." Stop. It doesnt work.

I hate my life for where I am now and wish I had what everyone else had. The freedom to do things with myself. The freedom to see the Cloisters. The freedom to go to a bar at 3PM on a Tuesday, enjoy a beer or two and watch the playoffs. The freedom to photograph the majestic NY skyline. But no. What I get is bullshit cliches as if they will make me feel better. They don't. They just remind me more of how I would love to bite the end of a rifle and free myself from this gross social inequity that I signed myself to. What I want is to be free again. Even if freedom comes with my own death. I just dont give a fuck. I only write this to let you all know if I dont make it through that you people should do things with your lives. Not squander them away kicking and screaming. Not giving your opinions so blindly to popular opinion. Not giving into the rising tide of religious zealots. Stand up for yourselves. Enjoy your lives and know that I wish I was in your shoes. I have wasted my life. And now I reach the end. It is over. I have nothing left to live for anymore.

I once was a good man. I once cared about this life and people. But now I am a corpse, whose soul died, attached to this chunk of meat till it eventually decides to catch up with its soul. I would rather die young while I make a good looking cadaver, than have to continue on lost and miss this opporitunity to die young while I had the chance. To those I tried to chat with to get through my problems. Thanks for the ear. To others who were just to pre-occupied. I understand. Life is just too busy. Don't blow your chances like I did. Don't fuck your lives up. And stop telling me "...your not missing anything." That fucking enrages me more than you can possibly know and makes me want to slit my wrists and down a whole lot of alcohol and sleeping pills. I am miserable and I have to deal with it. Great sales point for the US Military. I only want a picture of my corpse being dragged away with that slogan for their selling point to high schoolers.

No, I am not killing myself. But I do wish I was dead.

From John Lennon with some editing:

God is a concept
By which we measure
Our pain
I'll say it again
God is a concept
By which we measure
Our pain

I don't believe in magic
I don't believe in i-ching
I don't believe in bible
I don't believe in tarot
I don't believe in hitler
I don't believe in jesus
I don't believe in bush
I don't believe in buddha
I don't believe in mantra
I don't believe in gita
I don't believe in yoga
I don't believe in iraq
I don't believe in elvis
I don't believe in zimmerman
I don't believe in beatles
I just believe in me
Yoko and me
And that's reality

The dream is over
What can i say?
The dream is over
Yesterday
I was the dreamweaver
But now i'm reborn
I was the walrus
But now i'm john
And so dear friends
You'll just have to carry on
The dream is over

FIN.

2005-10-15T06:56:00.000-04:00

Reality TV sucks cock.

I may get some heat for this, but frankly, I dont give a flying fuck. Between watching the two giggling cunts (words stolen from David Cross) on "The Surreal Life" to watching a bunch of rich kids round up cattle, it all sucks cock. It is MST-Y television and it is meant to be made fun of from start to end. I dont know how you can watch those shows with three or more people and NOT say anything is beyond me. I'm sorry I can be an annoying douche at times with crap TV, but this is stuff that it is not worth getting bent out of shape over! You have to just goof on it from start to end, it sucks cock. I mention this cause my friends wife got pissed at me cause I goofed on one of the fucking shows from start to end, but it was just 100% awful. Watching some rich asshole make douches of themselves and ham it up for the camera. I can do that on any drunken night with the guys in the firehouse and it will probably be 20x more humurous.

Maybe I am a little pissy cause I was told by the same people that "Curb Your Enthusiasm" isnt funny. But this assessment was made by people who have watched maybe 15 minutes of it. What the fuck sort of a fair assessment is that?? I will grab 100 people from anywhere and have them watch the best of the reality shows and then put up "Curb" and I guarantee the latter show will kick its puss in boots ass! MST3K was quality programing, Seinfeld was quality programming, the first two seasons of "Real World", while in the same category as what I am bitching about, was quality. Mainly cause the people were fucking real, and not models. And did not ham it up like asses like they do on all these stupid ass shows. Face it, reality TV just does not have that staying quality that good writing will do for a show. Hence why HBO, Showtime and other big cable network shows are really starting to catch on. It comes from creative writing. Something I hope we see more of in the next few years. That is enough of this venting/heated rant.

FIN.

2005-10-13T01:57:00.000-04:00

I dont have anything new to say. Hence why there is very few posts. I probably wont be writing to much anymore cause of this current trend. Doesn't mean I am saying goodbye to blogger, just means I have nothing new to say to you.

2005-10-01T00:08:00.000-04:00

I was thinking of something as I read about diminishing sales at the box office for motion pictures. The real problem I think is the mulitplex which forces film companies to create 'filler' movies so that there is something for the public to watch. Hence the reason for the careers of the Lindsay Lohan's and the Hillary Duff's and the worst of them all, Matt Damon. If maybe there were less movie theatres there would be more quality films. I know the debate is, there will still be crappy movies even if there are less theatres. True, but they will become a true part of nature and go straight to DVD instead of clogging up the movie theatres.

Lets face the facts, the other reason people dont like to go to movies anymore is because of all the animals that are there. The lights go out and the jungle instincts come out for people, just like when they did in the Congo. People just don't have fucking cooth anymore to shut the fuck up when out. And if ya say anything about it you get a shiv in the kidney from the "golfer" that just got out of prison a month ago.

And of course the shelf life of movies aren't that long anymore, so within 6 months the movie ya wanted to see is out on DVD already. With the advent of awesome home theatre systems, such as Bose and others, why bother going out to pay $10 for a giant piece of crap when you can rent it from Netflix or through digital cable. And then you can enjoy that giant piece of crap at home.

Just a few thoughts.

PS I have bought a digital camera and should be hosting some pics here from the home of the Nippon.

2005-09-19T10:09:00.000-04:00

Anyone prepared to go on a mood swing ride?

I present for your viewing pleasure, a new breed. The Puggle:

2005-09-15T07:24:00.000-04:00

Songs Can Be A Killer:

I dont know what it is lately, but when I listen to certain songs I get incredibly sad. Like I feel like I am going to break down. I think I feel I have messed things up in my life. I think it also has to do with the incredible shitty place I am in now with no way out. I mean I dont think seeing midgets doused in spaghetti sauce riding motor scooters onto beaches looking like walking chicken cutlets would do the trick for me right now. I think the truth be told, it is the fact that I feel completely encaged right now. I am lonely and yet I am always surrounded by people. But I have no one to confide in, at least not without them trying to commit my ass. I used to have tons of people. I also used to be the person to go to. Now I am completely ignored in my life. Especially by people I once called my friends. I never truly knew desolation till now.

I am not going to lie and say I dont have some fucked up thoughts. I really dont have much to hope for in my life. I honestly dont see a future for myself. Just a past I have constantly fucked up. I feel like I have "missed my boat". I wake up some mornings wishing I was never born. Or that I had the 'Big Casino'. Im tired of just feeling like utter shit anymore. I am almost 30, and I have done nothing. There is much I have wanted to do, but have no energy for anymore. I cant touch my keyboard anymore. I cant write. I cant read. I wish I was dead.

Either or, I have been saddened lately, and I am not fully sure why. Depression is a bitch, yet fun for some great writing (not here mind you), and thoughts. Anyways I end this post with some lyrics that sum up how I feel right about now.

Until you've seen this trash can dream come true
You stand at the edge while people run you through

2005-09-12T12:28:00.000-04:00

I turned on XMRadio 202, and the world seemed right again. Like it was March 2000 again and I get a second shot to make things right. Great hearing Ron and Fez on after O and A, just like the good ole days. Almost...

2005-09-08T02:20:00.000-04:00

Alright, I have had a few days to calm down and collect my thoughts and to not make it so forcefully angry about the whole New Orleans debacle. My first gripe is to all the people who say "well what could Bush have done? He was on vacation." Answer: you get your ass out of vacation mode and start calling up National Guard units. The thing is they need some time to mobilize. It may only be a day, but still that day makes all the difference in the world. Either help with the evac before the storm and have them ready for after it. If nothing happens too bad, a stand down issue is all that is neccessary. Also, Mr. Bush, dont go to New Orleans flying overhead and making your assinine comments "...it looks doubly bad from up here." What a complete jackass. Take a page from the book of Rudy Guliani and just be there for your people and give them some plans on what to do and what to expect.

Second. More than seven days and people are still without power, water and are not being allowed to leave?! Before anyone says "...they need time." Bullshit. After the Tsunami hit in Asia, we had a US task force team mobilized and there in one day. I know cause many of the people there came from this base. We cant do that for our own fucking country?! Get these people some shelter, some water and get them the fuck out of there. Now the people that dont want to leave. Well that is just a damn shame cause the area is a sesspool and you got to go.

Third. I am not going to make it a race thing as much as it is a class thing. I have been to New Orleans on numerous occasions last year. Any who read this blog know that. I can tell you that New Orleans is a very poor area. It has some of the widest shift in economic diversity, going from poor to very rich with majority of the middle class coming from tourists. If this had been Dallas or San Fran or any other market town that doesnt have such a poor population, Mr. Bush might have of been inclined to help them cause they are his paying customers. But because these people are poor and help to promote "questionable moral behavior" that the born again doesnt agree with has probably helped to slow his reaction to helping these people. I totally agree with Bill Clinton when he says that relief is way to slow for these people. Get the ball moving, Mr. "Party of inclusion". Good job proving that point false. Hell even Bush's father believes that efforts are too slow, but it is hard to critisize your son especially after he gets elected again and you dont.

Fourth. Celebrities, take it easy with trying to guilt people into giving. There have been an influx of donations and the like. Things will take time to sort and the money donated will be diverted away by the corrupt government of New Orleans. People will help, they dont need your star power to remind them to be humans. Just take a note from people on how we live when your brain isnt thinned by the air your head lives in the stratosphere there.

I have said my peace. Fin.

2005-09-07T20:02:00.000-04:00

"More and more I can't say no
So afraid of letting go
If there's something I can grab
You can bet I'll pay the tab
Counting all the flowers
Waste the precious hours
I need to find some peace

All these problems on my mind
Make it hard for me to think
There is no way I can stop
My poor brain is gonna pop
And I don't have a purpose
Scattered on the surface
I need to find some peace

Woah

And all the broken tethers
We can bring together
I need to find some peace

I need to find some peace
I need to find some peace"

2005-09-04T14:16:00.000-04:00

Yo, where the fuck did my last post go?!?! I wrote this awesome critique of our king....errr president and I didnt erase it. Fuck!! Oh well. Good job Bush. Just prove that if you are poor and black, you dont mean shit. Hell if you are poor you mean nothing. Fucking cocksucker.

Good job though keeping up on the hunt to make sure no American ever sees a tit again on TV though. You love to headhunt that ya fucking Nazi fuck!! Hitler had more compassion than you, you fucking racist fascist fuck!!

2005-08-31T00:59:00.000-04:00

I have to drop an awesome few lines from one of my fave comics, Patton Oswalt. This fucking hilarious line cracks me up like everytime I hear it and I recommend getting Felling Kinda Patton, his CD.

"I'm flying back to LA tommorow and I am going to the Buggy Whip restaurant, and getting a giant fucking steak!! You heard me!

I enjoy steak too much cause I hate hippies so much. You know what I mean. I enjoy steak more than I think I enjoy it. Everytime you eat a steak a hippies hackey sack goes down the gutter. {doing hippie impression} 'Ohhhh man. Ohhhh dude, what the fuck man!' Everytime you eat a steak a hippie's hackey sack goes down a sewer. Alaways remember that.

And I like the high end steak houses like Lowry's and Ruth's Chris. But I'll also go to the shitball steakhouses like Outback and Black Angus. I'm there. It's steak. Not so much Black Angus though, cause remember how friendly the ads for Black Angus used to be. They were 'Cmon in have a steak. How about a baked potato?' Your like 'fucking how about yeah see you tommorow night. Table for two 7:15'.

Now, the ads for Black Angus, you notice how it turns into this gauntlet of angry food? Its almost like they are challenging you. Like {goes into ad voice} 'At Black Angus, we'll start you off with our appetizer platter. Featuring five jumbo deep fried gulf shrimp, served on a disc of salted butter with fifteen of our potato bacon bombs, and a big bowl of pork cracklings with our cheese and butter dipping sauce.' Your like 'Ummmmm were all gonna split that' {back to voice} 'Ohhhh you'll each get your own! Then we'll take to our mile long soup and salad bar featuring bacon and cream soup and our fine berg of iceberg lettuce he-man salad served in a punch bowl, with 18 pounds of ranch dressing, pork stuffed deep fried croutons and what the hell, a couple of corn dogs' 'Uhhhh hey man, I tell ya what. Ill just get a mixed green salad.' 'Hey you'll suck a cock on the Golden Gate Bridge before Ill bring ya a mixed green buddy!!

'Then we'll wheel out our bottomless trough of fried dough!' 'What? Wait a minute, am I gonna get a steak?' 'Ohhhh you'll get a fucking steak!!! Cause then we'll bring out our 55oz. Las Mesa He-Man steak slab, served with a deep fried pumpkin stuffed with buttered scallops and 53 of our potato bacon bombs.' 'Ohhh dude I dont think...' 'And then bend over Abigail Mae, cause here comes the gravy pipe!!' 'What?!' 'Black Angus, doors are locked from the outside faggot!!! At Black Angus your name is Peaches.'"

2005-08-29T03:12:00.000-04:00

What a Monster!! To my cousin and relatives, I hope that you are all safe and ok cause Katrina is a fucking monster of a hurricane. I gathered images of other monster storms that I knew of here:

1999-Floyd

1992-Andrew. And a tremendous panoramic shot.

2005-Katrina. This a monster that makes the other two look like Spinks fighting Tyson.

2005-08-21T03:13:00.000-04:00

What is it with certain genres of books that I can just utterly devour in two days? Star Wars books are my penchant, especially since many of you know how much of a superdork here. I have devoured like 3 of these books in the last two weeks. I know to some that isnt overly impressive. But some of these books tend to be at least 600 pages at a pop. I enjoy plenty of other books too, but things like my Seabiscuit book drove me nuts. Cover the races in depth!! Dont focus on what they did to solve both the jockeys and horses hemmoroids. Get to the fun stuff. Lets make this exciting! I also have an ability to read several books at once. So I can read my SW book, read something else, and even do some research on a third subject. Is a weird OCD ability of mine, but well you get the point. I can read and read, but I wish I had access to all of my books from home.

2005-08-20T02:01:00.000-04:00

Why is it we get those career advisement things only once in our lives and not when we are 25 and at a crossroads of what to do with ourselves? I think it is perhaps that the true adventure is in finding out who we are and what makes us happy and how to channel that into financial success. I look at my last five years and realize I have worked like 5 different jobs in that time frame (for details of what I did, just ask. I'll regale you in boredom with the details). And the ultimate thing is that I realized that all those jobs were wrong for me. Yet I trod on along, at least as long as me old body will hold me. But there does come a point where ya ask yourself. Do I just go with what makes me money and not happiness? Or do I continue that pursuit for that perfect career? Due to my current situation, it is difficult to ask people here cause most of them have been in since 18. I of course decide to do the genius thing and join after I have worked and garnered and education. I know I love the adventure of a new career prospect, but hate the heartache of realizing "OK this isnt going to work." Then it becomes like a bad breakup. You dont want to see the old co-workers and run when that occurs. Ask for your stuff back like they are being held and surrounded by Al-Za Kawai's men.

I know that I always can entertain a crowd with my humor and can carry the weight of more and more people gathering as if it is nothing. Perhaps my inner self is trying to tell me something. (Insert Homer voice) "Food goes in here." Ohhh well just some stuff that I was pondering in the middle of my shift.

Ohhhh in other details I learned something somewhat cool and disturbing about the F-15E model. I work on C-models here in Okinawa. Anyways, there is a link on the cockpit of the E model for pilots to plug in a radio or IPod or what have you. Pretty cool. The disturbing part is that you know they are listening to something fully homoerotic like "Highway to the danger zone" on constant repeat. While they do a lil girating of the hips as they travel cross country. Uggghhhh.

2005-08-17T04:04:00.000-04:00

A Dirty Shame!! God fucking damn it. Get this fucking movie as soon as possible! I dont remember ever seeing a movie that had me dying laughing from start to end. John Waters is a fucking genius, albeit a sick one, but a genius nonetheless. I knew I wanted to see this movie the first time I read about it last year and now that I have it has lived up to expectations. It is a movie about fucking and how prudes are just repressed horny fuckers that need to get their energy out. Only Waters makes it humorous to the point that it hurts. My synopsis in a flash shot. But if ya see it, get the NC-17 version. Fin.

2005-08-14T00:30:00.000-04:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

2005-08-13T06:40:00.000-04:00

I have chosen yet another look for my website. I need to figure out the code for adding links, but until then I dont have that ability. So please just be patient until that time. Although at this juncture I think many people know each others web sites, so we just need to punch in the name. I ask that if any comment to please include your link to your web site on it so I know how to get it.

2005-08-13T06:27:00.000-04:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

2005-08-13T06:22:00.000-04:00

"I was at a point where I was ready to say I am what I am because of what I am and if you like me I'm grateful, and if you don't, what am I going to do about it?"-Anne Bancroft

Thank you Mrs. Robinson for this awesome quote!

2005-08-11T10:15:00.000-04:00

"Why are you here?" The main question I hear lately when people ask me to read this drier than a martini technical material that makes sand in Iraq seem like baby wipes. My answer to you good sir is to enlighten the world with my politicking about socialist ways!! Well really is just to get as much from the US govt that I can, and get the fuck out of here while the getting out is good. My head is red as a Mandrill in heats ass and I have all sorts of delusions occuring. Imagine Ronnie Reagan near the end, and that is me "Avast, Im a pirate and I can see through walls!! Mr. Gorbachev, tear off that nightie!!" I guess my main answer is, to make your mother fucking life miserable cause I am a not giving a fuck mother fucker. As Joe said to Mr. Pink "Cause your a fairy, alright!" Wow. That was a nice rant. And most people are like 'huh?' Basically I made sure this retard knows what it means when I shout 'You got served, bitch!' and it felt good. More ramblings to come when I am completed with my 60th hour of work. Which means the 72 hour writing will be delectable.

Fin.

2005-08-02T20:58:00.000-04:00

Why havent you bought XMRadio yet?? Well there is yet another reason to get it. The AFRO shows are back!! Yes Ron and Fez now join the gang of Norton and Friends (AFRO=Anthony, Fez, Ron and Opie. And of course Lil Jimmy) on XM 202. Asides from that, XM has hundreds of channels for your tastes, especially if you like your music to go a lil deeper than what you are used to. So instead of just the hits from an album they play like the B side tracks of artists and albums. You also get various channels, including decades from the 40's to the 90's. So get XM radio today, cause lets face it, regular commercial radio sucks huge donkey cock!!

Also, yet another memo to Hollywood. Please stop with the remakes. I saw 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory yesterday and thought Johnny Depp was awesome. But it was just another remake with a weird ending. Ill take the original anyday, only with Johnny Depp in it. Fin.

2005-07-29T23:53:00.000-04:00

Im going through changes, Yes I added yet another change cause the first one didnt come out right. And I have yet to add the links so be patient.

2005-07-27T08:40:00.000-04:00

Yes I have decided to update this site, and will add stuff as I see fit. For now I will mention that when people wave to me and I am not fully paying attention I stare like a special olympics kid who was told he gets no medals. That is all out of me for today.

2005-07-24T14:27:00.000-04:00

I forgot to add something in my last post. This is a email from someone I received not too long ago that is a total fucking trip to me. I have edited out the names to protect the jackasses:

what up!! you have no idea... i don't either.. what is this slave hour crap. I go to work now from 6 am til 8pm at nite mon-fri and work every other sat. what kind of crack am I on. i know do I want some cheese with that whine. What is up with that ? I hope everything is going good. My hours though are about change probably after they fire my 7 year veteran of a mother fucken sales manager. shhhhhaaaaaaaannnnaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh hhheeeyyy hey goood bye. That is before if I don't beat the living piss out of him before hand. dennis, that is really how I feel. now that you think that I really have completely lost my mind which is really cool. oh yey B**** b**** called my brother for my new address. what a dumb ass. i know I am just writing in riddles. it probably does not make any sense at all but I promise you I am not drunk. Just happy as a mother fucker. it is 4 in the morning and can't wake my wife or my brother in law. they would both get pissed off. don't worry , my brother in law just needed a place to stay for about 2 months. he is leaving at the end of this week,, by the way,, yiiiiipppppyyyyyyyy. i can't wait til he get the fuck out of here too. anyway that is what is goin on. oh yey, b**** s**** left his wife and is running wild. that is kind of cool too. that is the best. the other suckey part is that i probably will not be able to go back to sleep. I will be tired as a mother fucker today. hey it has been good writing to you. I am going back to smoking my crack again so I can make it through another awesome 13/14 hour day. i just haven't talk to you in a while. hope all going well. PS IF YOU DO WRITE BACK-----P**** DOES READ ALL MY EMAILS..... THANKS...... TALK TO YA SOON.....

Wow! People, please dont use methemphetamines before ya write me. I dont go violating everything that is sent to me, but this one I couldnt pass up on. I should sign him up though for transsexual porn list since his wife does read his emails though. That would be a tough explanation.

2005-07-24T12:55:00.000-04:00

Ive got nothing right now. Insomnia is a bitch cause my sleep schedule is all shook up. I went from working a mids shift to working days and it caused me to stay up for almost entirely twenty four hours from Saturday to Sunday. Now it is 2AM and I have just awoken and dont have to be to work for another seven hours. I would go for a drive but we arent allowed off base cause of the pedophile Staff Sergent touching that girl on Fourth of July weekend. Thanks a lot asshole, I hope the Japs use a Katana blade on your genitals, the way they would dice up teriyaki.

Why is it XMRadio will only allow me to have so many channels online? I mean if I wanted to add a few, why cant I?? Ohhh well, at least I still have my Opie, Anthony and lil Jimmy Norton. But now would be a perfect time for me to catch my Mets on MLB channels. The NHL is coming back this season. Dont know if I am overly excited about this. Although the lockout is not the players fault this time around but the owners. The 1994 baseball strike was also the owners fault, but since they own like 40 percent of the media they made it sound like the players were at fault. I am going to try and read and what not...I catch ya all later. Super terrific monkey spank!!

2005-07-20T17:46:00.000-04:00

One small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind...way to go Neil! Now lets beat those Chinese back there!

2005-07-18T17:51:00.000-04:00

Something that I found ironic with the rising religious tide in the US. It is an exerpt from "Young Patriots" by Charles Cerami:

"Patrick Henry as he aged developed into a religious zealot. Henry used his political prestige to promote a scheme toward the foundation of an established religion. Declaring that only Christianity could save the nation from the moral depravity that engulfed it, Henry offered a loosely worded resolution "for the people to pay a moderate tax or contribution annually for the support of the Christian religion.

James Madison and Thomas Jefferson deemed it an embarrasment for Virginia and a deplorable attempt at 'thought control'.

Hmmm ironic that over two hundred years later we are still having the same fight except that now liberties are losing to these zealots that are now saying what we can see and hear in ALL art forms.

Jefferson and Madison would shed a tear over this story, the attack of groups that fight for freedoms. The Patriot Act's true targets!!

2005-07-16T04:40:00.000-04:00

Why do commercials have to be so suttle? I love the one for the KY warming jelly. The guy is just reading the paper while his hot wife/girlfriend is running all over the place. Why arent you making her a Gladiator helmet with your dick and balls?? But back to the point, I love how the chick breaks out the stuff and reads the cover "hmmmm creates a warming sensation." That gets the guys attention, but what she is really saying is "honey set my ass on fire while ya sodomize me with this flaming liquid that feels will feel like good magma in my ass."

Fin.

2005-07-10T05:36:00.000-04:00

Wanted: New Career.

Those who know me and my personality and my talents, I am open to suggestion. Dont be afraid to hold back and give me some suggestions, cause I am looking to get out of this ASAP. And Godwilling with a lil luck it will come true. Leave me comments or email me at Doogcool@aol.com. Later Bitches.

2005-07-04T08:39:00.000-04:00

I saw the new batman movie. Enjoyed it immensly, thought it kicked ass. But one question. When did Christian Bale become Shatner? With the stuttering lines and what not. Maybe its me.

2005-06-30T04:46:00.000-04:00

I think more ladies need shirts like this. It would make the world a happier place.

2005-06-27T02:27:00.000-04:00

I am Dennis Sheridan. And I now know who I truly am. (Yes it take 4 years but hey these thing happen ;-) )

2005-06-25T22:48:00.000-04:00

It was awesome to chat again with Christie this morning and we were having a good guffaw and a chuckle at some of the foibles of life and the ineptness comparisons of her car and the aircraft here. What totally kicked ass was when she told someone at work "Ohhh your Arianna?? When did you get a sex change and change your voicebox ya trannie?" I fucking died laughing when I heard her tell someone that. Im sorry, I had to share that cause it is a funny line, and was good to see her get all back in the face of the assholes she works with. Dont worry lass, you might stumble a few times with those MCAT's but in the end you will conquer them. And I must share these word of wisdom with ya after you told me the comparisons ya get: "Enjoy your own life without comparing it with that of another.
Marquis de Condorcet (1743 - 1794)

There were some, good funny things that we said but I cant remember them all. Ohhh well perhaps some other time. Good quality time on the phone makes ya feel better in a time when ya need it. Basically we began ways to get the plan underway to totally revamp education. The major obstacle is getting rid of the teachers union. Need to break those fuckers back.

Ohhh by the way, like the way I changed the header for my site??

2005-06-19T04:22:00.000-04:00

Doogie Trivia Game

Alright, I thought this would be fun. Lets all, or rather the few who view here, try and find what I have in common with this actor. The winner gets a slap on the ass and a good job from me.

2005-06-18T15:29:00.000-04:00

I have to admit that this is wrong but, shows what Charlie Brown is really thinking, the "Norf" part is the part that has me dying laughing cause it is the reason why tourists in NY get the crap kicked out of them. Never stop to help anyone, especially scam artists looking for directions. Big props to Cigars and Scotch over at whackbag.com for making it.

Which Way is Norf??

2005-06-16T08:40:00.000-04:00

Die Jizzbucket, Die! (<------For the dummies: click this, its a story)

Alright I am a supporter of the arts and artists. I even argued for Maplethorpe and the chick from Brooklyn who did the virgin mary thing out of dung. But this guy is a fucking jizz bucket that is a no talent fucking hack. I hope the next time you decided to jump off a building it is with a bungee cord and it is the middle of Guadalaraja so all the Mexican kids mistake you for a pinata and beat you to death with sticks. Performance artists are not artists. They are talentless hacks that can not make it in the real art world. Do society a favor and jump into an incinerator wearing a gasoline suit.

2005-06-14T22:06:00.000-04:00

"The dark is generous, and it is patient, and it always wins-but in the heart of its strength lies weakness: one lone candle is enough to hold it back.
Love is more than a candle.
Love can ignite the stars."

Matthew Stover

Not written for anyone. Just liked the quote.

2005-06-12T15:04:00.000-04:00

Anybody who knows me knows I am subject to lyrics and how they influence me or what not. I dont want to sound weak minded, just that music is to me a very deep thing and some song deeper than others. I know I might catch some flack some from of my male friends for posting the lyrics to this song, but fuck em, it makes me happy and I love this song. I want to learn how to play it on the piano:

Adia I do believe I failed you
Adia I know I let you down
don't you know I tried so hard
to love you in my way
it's easy let it go...
Adia I'm empty since you left me
trying to find a way to carry on
I search myself and everyone
to see where we went wrong
'Cause there's no one left to finger
there's no one here to blame
there's no one left to talk to, honey
and there ain't no one to buy our innocence
'cause we are born innocent
believe me Adia, we are still innocent
it's easy, we all falter
does it matter?

Adia I thought that we could make it
but I know I can't change the way you feel
I leave you with your misery
a friend who won't betray
I pull you from your tower
I take away your pain
and show you all the beauty you possess
if you'd only let yourself believe that
we are born innocent
believe me Adia, we are still innocent
it's easy, we all falter, does it matter?
believe me Adia, we are still innocent
'cause we are born innocent
Adia we are still innocent
it's easy, we all falter ... but does it matter?

Whatever, chop my dick up and send me to Lilith Fair, I still like it.

These ones make me want to die. And I swear I am close to it:

Unsealed on a porch a letter sat.
Then you said, "I wanna leave it again."
Once I saw her on a beach of weathered sand. And on the sand I wanna leave it again. Yeah.
On a weekend I wanna wish it all away, yeah.
And they called and I said that "I want what I said" and then I call out again.
And the reason oughta' leave her calm, I know.
I said "I know what I wear not the boxer or the bag."

Ah yeah, can you see them out on the porch? Yeah, but they don't wave.
But I see them round the front way. Yeah.

And I know, and I know. I don't want to stay.
Make me cry...

I see... Ooh I don't know why there's something else.
I wanna drum it all away...
Oh, I said, "I don't, I don't know whether I was the boxer or the bag."

Ah yeah, can you see them out on the porch? Yeah, but they don't wave.
But I see them round the front way. Yeah.
And I know, and I know. I don't wanna stay at all.
I don't wanna stay. Yeah.
I don't wanna stay. (x2)

2005-06-12T13:21:00.000-04:00

This site has been too much of a bitch rag fest lately so I awaken it with a lil Tata action, and so I bring the definition of erotic. Ms. Bettie Page and in my opinion the modern day definition of erotic Aria Giovanni:

If I got this X-Mas card I would never be upset

2005-06-09T16:22:00.000-04:00

"If incompetency were a play, this place would upstage Broadway." An original quote written by yours truly as I watched just complete disorganization take hold. Be very afraid at home people. This place is FUCKED if China or Korea attacks.

2005-06-08T02:32:00.000-04:00

I've had a year and half to think about this. I left my job as a teacher cause I was extremly dissatisfied with the job. I would like to say it was the administration, I would like to say it was the material. But I actually know that it is the fact that the system is so rigid in how kids learn. All kids learn differently, and a lot of them benefit mainly from having more of a mentoring system as opposed to just, this is what it is so be it. I also believe that starting from 7th grade or so, they should start getting an idea of what kids want to do for a living and take them on a week long adventure to that career to get them an idea of what that job entails.

The high school level should be more like college. Kids are allowed to pick what they want to do with their lives and the classes that would get them more to that track. The rigid system that we have now is completely useless and the crack are starting to show more and more everyday. So many kids slip through the system, and/or are not just college material. High School raises kids as if they are ALL going to work in the corporate system and that is wrong. Their are hundreds of career fields that are untapped in terms of what high school prepares them for it.

And I know some of my detractors are going to say "...well school budgets are high enough, what you are proposing will skyrocket it." If you overhaul the system, you can easily still have the same budgets and perhaps less, and maybe even some sponsorship some from career fields as a benefit which would offset the costs. And at the same time we would create some people that would actually benefit society instead of the moops that school systems punch out. I think the greatest obstacle to this change is teachers unions. As much as I am a union person I also realize that they have ALL gone corrupt. Maybe what we need is to really overhaul everything. Perhaps that is what Jefferson meant when he said "...there needs to be a revolution every 25 years or so." Perhaps I am too much of a visionary and this country has grown so bloated and corrupt to allow such changes. Perhaps that is why we WILL die as a society. It is good to have some plans ready though. And this is my rough sketch.

2005-06-06T05:32:00.000-04:00

An letter to that person:

You know what. I am not the Balrog of Morgoth. You start conversations as if you are the Chesire Cat with a big deceptive grin. When I ignore you, you give the whole guilt trip of "ohhhh you treated me like shit for those years!!" and also say "why dont you put that up on your blog". You know what I am. And I am doing it cause I know ya read it.

Since I met you you were blaming all sorts of people and places on your problems. Now you are blaming them on me! Yes I was shitty to you and I was totally fucked up. But you also did lie to me about those things. And you want me to just forget those things as if they are nothing?? How about all those times you went driving off with ex's. Am I that fucking stupid? I can read between the lines. When you are with someone and they go driving off with an ex, that is a very bad sign and a good clue that there is some fucking aroudnd going on. If ya lied to me about the whole 'miscarriage' thing, whats to say you werent lying about the story of your ex trying to attack you to take advantage of you. And yes I was a fucking dope to just sit there and take it. And as for that whole shit of "...I was terrified to tell you about the abortion cause I feared you." That is a fucking horse shit excuse and you know it and I know it too. You needed someone to clutch onto cause your family wouldnt have been able to do it for you. And I was in a bad vulnerable position to think that I could do it. Also speaking of blaming things, do you remember what you said to my mother when I wasnt talking to you around Oct-Nov '01?? You said you were acting that way cause of 9/11!! Were you insane?!?! Did you think that fucking horseshit would fly with her?? She was pissed at you for that shit!! We had enough to deal with everything else going with John and Greg and you threw that shit at us?!?!

Just remember that the next time you IM me thinking all things are cool. Cause maybe I am tired of your manipulative shit. I got sick of it by the second year and that is why I acted like the witch king, I cant take back the past and only learn from it. But you know what, it would be greatly appreciated if you would just lose my addy forever. You are never going to be over things and I certainly havent on certain things either. But I have moved on. You know what I am convinced you only talked to me to try and instill guilt, and I have attoned for my ways. Maybe not in your eyes. Nothing was ever good enough for you so maybe that is why you feel the way that you do. I never put these things up cause I was getting over that episode, but ya know what fuck it. Eat my ass with a spoon!!

2005-06-03T09:12:00.000-04:00

Nothing really new to report. I am tried of bitching cause it seems I do a lot of that here. Working for the most part, punchy tired as all hell right now. Trying to avoid situations where I have to erase blog entries the next day. Like getting dragged around to skeezy bars when happy with Irish ones. When I get some good ideas I shall be writing them again.

2005-05-28T14:29:00.000-04:00

Ok I now know what comedians go through in their lives. I was being my same ole funny self only on the outside of this attrocious base when someone says "Come in here." Indicating some strange club. So I go in and right away the girl their says "who do you know?" So I answer Aria Giovanni, so she reiterates the question only asking whom do I know from that club. So then I realize she is a 'juicy girl' who only want me to pay her for sex. I instantly went PacMan when he gets busted by ghosts. I'm sorry I dont pay for sex.

Thank my parents for that, in a weird way. They both have been married for 33 years and NEVER cheated on each other. My true hero in this life is my father. He is a man who has dealt with an immoral crowd and yet emerged on top to be their leader. I strive to be that, or somewhat like that. I admire my father. Not too many 28 year olds can say that. They admire their fathers, I do mine, he truly is a great man whom I love and respect. He is the man I wish I was. Vinny is 50 percent my pops I am the other 50%. We got the genes in an equal dose. With a lil Mixture of the McMahon line (thank God cause some of my cousins are cunts). Anywhos, I thank my parents for the strong person I am today. I only wish I can do this in some lifetime so that we may hear it in some wedding.

2005-05-26T13:06:00.000-04:00

I dedicate these lyrics for my friend Vig, cause he played me them more than 10 years ago on 'bootleg' Pearl Jam albums which finally made it onto of Lost Dogs. I also wish him and Stacy all the love cause of how great they have been to me over the years:

Cold wind blows on the soles of my feet
Heaven knows nothing of me
I'm lost, nowhere to go
Oh, when I was a kid...oh, how magic it seemed
Oh, please let me sleep, it's Christmas time

Flowered winds was where I lived
Thought you burned, not froze for your sins
Oh, I'm so tired, and cold

Oh, when I was a kid...oh, how magic it seemed
Oh, please let me sleep, it's Christmas time
Oh...oh, when I was a kid...oh, how magic it seemed
Oh, please let me sleep, it's Christmas time

Oh...oh, when I, if I was a kid...oh, how magic it seemed

2005-05-24T13:37:00.000-04:00

I just found a job that I want when I get out of the military. I wonder where I apply:

2005-05-24T13:02:00.000-04:00

I have listened to this song for a few years now and they reflect the attitude and the lifestlye that I want. I absolutly love it and its bohemian attitude:

Drifting, drifting, drifting away.
I got myself a mansion, then I gave it away.
It's not the world that's heavy, just the things that you save.
And I'm drifting, drifting away.

Drifting, drifting, drifting along.
I rid myself of worries, and the worries were gone.
I only run when I want to and I sleep like a dog.
I'm just drifting, drifting along.

The suitcoats say, "There is money to be made."
They get so damn excited, but I guess it's their way.
My road it may be lonely just because it's not paved.

It's good for drifting, drifting away.

The suitcoats say, "There is money to be made."
They get so damn excited, nothing gets in their way
My road it may be lonely just because it's not paved.
It's good for drifting, drifting away.

Drifting, drifting, drifting, uh huh.
I feel like going back there, but never for long.
I sometimes wonder if they know that I'm gone.
I'm just drifting, drifting along.
Drifting, drifting along. Drifting, drifting along.

2005-05-20T13:10:00.000-04:00

Holy cow, i got sent the funniest lil short film in a while. Made me piss laughing, and I share with you all. Title is deceiving. It is not pornographic, but rather a hilarious lil comedy about all that can go wrong with a guys week. Enjoy.

Farm Sluts Click the bold and italics for those without normal brain functions.

2005-05-16T13:13:00.000-04:00

Alrighty, I have just finished the Book of Ep III:Revenge of the Sith. I wont be able to see it the opening days cause of my work schedule and silly drill. And if the movie is a tenth how graphic the book is, wow!! This will be one of the best. I had tears in my eyes by the final chapters, it was that good. I have to include a spoiler here. It involves a scene when Bail Organa gets to the Jedi Temple while it is being 'purged'.

The Scene is Bail Organa noticing the Jedi Temple is on fire and lands demanding entry.

...Bail set the speeder down only a few meters from the deck entrance and hopped out. A squad of clone troopers stood in the open doorway. Smoke billowed out from the hallway behind them.

One of the troopers lifted a hand as Bail approached. "Dont worry, sir, everything is under control here."

"Under control?? Where are the SER teams? What is the army doing here?"

"I'm sorry I cant talk about that, sir."

"Has there been some kind of attack on the temple?"

"I'm sorry I cant talk about that, sir."

"Listen to me, Sergeant, I am a Senator of the Galactic Republic and I am late for a meetiing with the Jedi Council-"

"Im sorry the council is not in session, sir."

"Maybe you should let me see for myself."

The four clones moved together to block his path. "Im sorry, sir. Entry is forbidden."

"I am a Senator-"

"Yes, sir." The clone sergent snapped his DC-15 blaster from his shoulder, and Bail, blinking, found himself staring into its blackened muzzle close enough to kiss it. "And it is time for you to leave, sir."

A burst of blasterfire ripped through the smoke and scattered into the dawn outside. Bail stared with an open mouth as a Jedi flashed out of nowhere and started cutting down clones. No: not a Jedi.

A boy.

A child no more than ten years old, swinging a lightsaber whose blade was almost as long as he was tall. More blasterfire came from inside, and a whole platoon of clones came pelting toward the landing deck, and ten year old was hit, and hit again and then just shot to rags among the bodies of the troopers he killed, and Bail started backing away, faster now, and in the middle of it all, a clone wearing the colors of a commander came out of the smoke and pointed at Bail Organa.

"No witnesses," the commander said. "Kill him!!"

2005-05-15T14:19:00.000-04:00

I believe I am making a deeper and deeper descent into madness like everyday. I have no interest in my keyboard anymore, I hate my job and just feel my chest pounding like a jachammer everytime I go in. I have millions of thoughts running through my head at once with no continuity and what not. I just get nastier and nastier with people, especially those that I dont like, they are whom I am ultra short with. I feel like I am spiraling out of control and there is no control stick.

I feel like I have been duped and that I am not getting the help that I want. I dont believe in the ideals I once held in such high esteem (serve your country, trust in the leadership, etc). In fact I feel that the whole system is nothing but a bunch of lying sacks of crap that have no clue how to run things, and matters will get a whole lot worse with no sign in sight of them getting better. I have become cynical beyond all hell, and I dont know if I am that upset with that. This is my rant. Fin.

2005-05-14T12:38:00.000-04:00

Ok,really drunk and typing and all sorts of thoughts running through my head at once.