Songs Can Be A Killer:
I dont know what it is lately, but when I listen to certain songs I get incredibly sad. Like I feel like I am going to break down. I think I feel I have messed things up in my life. I think it also has to do with the incredible shitty place I am in now with no way out. I mean I dont think seeing midgets doused in spaghetti sauce riding motor scooters onto beaches looking like walking chicken cutlets would do the trick for me right now. I think the truth be told, it is the fact that I feel completely encaged right now. I am lonely and yet I am always surrounded by people. But I have no one to confide in, at least not without them trying to commit my ass. I used to have tons of people. I also used to be the person to go to. Now I am completely ignored in my life. Especially by people I once called my friends. I never truly knew desolation till now.
I am not going to lie and say I dont have some fucked up thoughts. I really dont have much to hope for in my life. I honestly dont see a future for myself. Just a past I have constantly fucked up. I feel like I have "missed my boat". I wake up some mornings wishing I was never born. Or that I had the 'Big Casino'. Im tired of just feeling like utter shit anymore. I am almost 30, and I have done nothing. There is much I have wanted to do, but have no energy for anymore. I cant touch my keyboard anymore. I cant write. I cant read. I wish I was dead.
Either or, I have been saddened lately, and I am not fully sure why. Depression is a bitch, yet fun for some great writing (not here mind you), and thoughts. Anyways I end this post with some lyrics that sum up how I feel right about now.
Until you've seen this trash can dream come true
You stand at the edge while people run you through
I dont know what it is lately, but when I listen to certain songs I get incredibly sad. Like I feel like I am going to break down. I think I feel I have messed things up in my life. I think it also has to do with the incredible shitty place I am in now with no way out. I mean I dont think seeing midgets doused in spaghetti sauce riding motor scooters onto beaches looking like walking chicken cutlets would do the trick for me right now. I think the truth be told, it is the fact that I feel completely encaged right now. I am lonely and yet I am always surrounded by people. But I have no one to confide in, at least not without them trying to commit my ass. I used to have tons of people. I also used to be the person to go to. Now I am completely ignored in my life. Especially by people I once called my friends. I never truly knew desolation till now.
I am not going to lie and say I dont have some fucked up thoughts. I really dont have much to hope for in my life. I honestly dont see a future for myself. Just a past I have constantly fucked up. I feel like I have "missed my boat". I wake up some mornings wishing I was never born. Or that I had the 'Big Casino'. Im tired of just feeling like utter shit anymore. I am almost 30, and I have done nothing. There is much I have wanted to do, but have no energy for anymore. I cant touch my keyboard anymore. I cant write. I cant read. I wish I was dead.
Either or, I have been saddened lately, and I am not fully sure why. Depression is a bitch, yet fun for some great writing (not here mind you), and thoughts. Anyways I end this post with some lyrics that sum up how I feel right about now.
Until you've seen this trash can dream come true
You stand at the edge while people run you through
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