I swear to God at this point I feel like such a burden to all my friends. I feel like all I do is bitch and complain to them, that as soon as I catch them I cant talk about whats going on with them but just how much misery I am in. Im sorry if I have caught any of you in the last few weeks on phone or IM with my misery. I wont burden you anymore.

What sucks is that I found out that I am losing another friend. I mean good for them where they are going, but it means one more person I wont have the fortune to see when I get home anymore. I cant take it anymore. I keep missing out on my life, I keep missing out on the good things in life, all for this fucking self imposed prison sentance that I feel I am going to break soon with a simple drink and downing of a few good pills.

I hate my life. I swear to God I hate my fucking life and I now hope that something terrible DOES happen to me in the next week or so. I just hate myself and all that I have done. I wish I was dead. Hopefully soon I will be.