Well almost a year has been good...I discovered a LOT of new friends as a result of a lot of old. I have many many good memories of 2007, even if many of them werent in employment. But I had time to discover music, my friends, life, etc. I also in this lifetime reunited with a long lost woman who treats me more than right. I am crazy about her. This year ended better than I can imagine...I want to give a big one ups to Casey, Sheepy, HTG, Franklyn, and others that made 2007 a great year. I love you all. This was a great year and I look forward to PAC (People Against Censorship) in 2008. I got to see Mike and Bryan from boot in three weeks and I made them ALL envious of the Rock-A-Hula-Lua. Best party of the year till the 2007 RF.net 2007 XMas party in Crooklyn.

Long story short. I am happy to be home. I never belonged in the military in the first place, and beards fit me fine. I learned that from all that saw me from withing the military. If you all seen how much less of a cunt I am now, wow.

Ok, 7 months and a forgiveness or two gets you right back in the writing buisness. And may I bless those people for that, I needed it to unleash hell on Earth again on this mundane innacurate world we live in.

Hell, I have an issue and a half to confront in my time away. My first attack is on ALL the hypocritical country music fans. Dont ask me why but I was chilling out to the iTunes here in the house, and many of the pre-selected music on these iTunes were chosen by my siblings. One of the artists were the Dixie Chicks...pre abolishment from the US. Now when I was overseas and all the news I heard was going on in the states. I couldnt believe country fans STILL booing the chicks, I was just reminded their "Leftists/liberal" attacks are not to be misread either. C'mon you goddamn yokels. Look in their song from 1998!! Wide Open Spaces is more of a metaphor on their philosophies on life than you realize, but were too dumb to realize.

Goddamn, lets break down the lyrics:

Who doesn't know what I'm talking about
Who's never left home who's never struck out
To find a dream and a life of their own
A place in the clouds, a foundation of stone
Many precede and many will follow
A young girl's dream no longer hollow
It takes the shape of a place out West
But what it holds for her, she hasn't yet guessed
She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes
She traveled this road as a child
Wide-eyed and grinning she never tired
But now she won't be coming back with the rest

If these are life's lessons, she'll take the test
She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes
As her folks drive away her dad yells, "Check the oil!"
Mom stares out the window and says
"I'm leaving my girl."
She says, "It didn't seem like that long ago
When she stood there and let her own folks know."
She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes

C'mon her wide open spaces are spaces away from people who only want to discern between Republican and Democrat. Liberal and Conservative. Etc. The point is the point of focus on the US citizen is lost. Lets fight this shit!!! Go down to your voting office and change your party to Independent. Send a message. C'mon you yokkels, wake up!!

FIN...I am done writing on here. All it does is upset people. Enjoy yourselves.

I am feeling inspired lately. I have begun working out for the first time in over two months. I have begun writing again, and I can read books again. I cant tell you all what has me inspired, and lets hope that this rising feeling remains. I shall reveal someday what has me inspired, in the meantime just know that things feel pretty good right now.

Wow. Blown away. That is how I am feeling right now after completing Lost Season 2. It is 430AM and I have to be up in less than 5 hours but it was worth it to finish this season. Thank you to the writers for destroying all my theories on that show. Wow.

"...Square peg in a round hole." That is how people refer to me being here. I see it more as being a triangle, which needs an adapter to the square which is trying to get into a round hole. I swear I am fucking cursed and that I will never have good in my life again. I am convinced of it.

Im feeling pretty miserable lately and had a bit of sadness fit earlier (aka crying fit). I guess I am just feeling absolutley miserable again and dont know what else to say. People always tell me to call them but I hate to be a bother especially at 3AM. All you fuckers at home who have a network I envy and are lucky cocksuckers. I have to create my own network and am amorous enough that it is tough for me to trust people. And it seems the few I find to trust I feel the most awkward to contact. I took two of my 'happy pills' as I wallow here, and they havent helped. In fact they have made me feel nothing but miserable since the doc prescribed them. Yet what is funny is I put on a facaade for people when I talk to them or meet them. I just cant come to grips but tell people how miserable I am. It causes me to start breathing really deeply and hard. I just dont want to be a burden to anyone and feel like one to my family as it is. I dont want to be one to my friends as well.

I guess in the last few years these couple of weeks between my birthday and my moms have been tough to be honest. I lost my best friend 5 years ago. And my nightmares the last few nights have had him in them. They have also featured giraffes and my long dead pets, Spanky and Tiger. So go interpret for your own Freud fans. I watch season 2 of Rescue Me and see how the chick was trying to lie a preganancy to Dennis Leary and see how transparent to him and how SIMILAR it was to me and how much of an asshole I was to not see it and kick myself for it. Then again I kick myself for a lot lately. I guess truth be told I dont sleep a lot lately. Or I sleep too much. I dont know. Well I do know. I know that I seem to be 'Johnny come lately' for everything and wonder if I will ever find what the fuck it is I want to do. Or wind up as a hitman as this one guy promised me he will make it to a point I wont be able to get a regular job. He threatend me if I didnt study for this test he will drum me our of here dishonarably and I wont work for anyone. I immeadiatly thought I could begin life as a hitman and just ask the family I work for to be free reign to whack the cocksucker who drummed me out. And his family too. I dont need no reprisals. I guess I am talking totally crazy now. Ohhh well, fuck it. I dont give a fuck. Dont like what ya see?? Fuck you. Suck my cock.

I am off to wallow some more. Perhaps I might just make it through this weekend without taking a knife to my wrists.