The Doog House

"Dont try to be a great man, just be a man and let history decide the rest."

Name:
Location: Okinawa (Normally Thrilling Thiells), NY, Japan

I am a cool laid back cat that like to be all hip on the fun spots in big cities (I know hot spots in N'orleans and learned of alot in NY). I love to travel and meet new people and just chat for hours as if we are old reunited friends. I am also heavily into movies and AFI's 100. I might want to become a film historian or something like that. I LOVE baseball!! I just cant get enough of it, and there is plenty here in Japan.

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Sunday, January 29, 2006

It sucks to be forgotten. People who used to IM me even just to say 'whats up?' don't even do that anymore. It is like I don't exist. And it is a shitty feeling. You go out of your way for others for years and you get NOTHING in return. I just feel absolutely awful right now. I just have no desire to do anything right now. I am all locked away here in my room, and I dont want to be here. I just want to take off for greener pastures as they say. I am too depressed right now that I am just rambling on here. I can't touch my keyboard, I can't write, I feel like I have gained 100 lbs and I have barely eaten anything in the last three days. I just feel absolutely miserable. I feel like I have cinderblocks on my back, literally. I just feel tired and miserable. Listening to sad songs doesnt help either.

FIN

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Friday, January 27, 2006

I am going to post something that picks my spirits up. At least for a little bit.

So I am sitting on my truck tonight at work and I am discussing something on the US Constitution and someone on their says as a quasi-compliment, "Sheridan you are one of the greatest sources of useless knowledge. I wish you would go onto Jeopardy and split your winnings with me." And that fucking scared me. The US Constitution is now considered 'useless knowledge'. WOW. I would have of been insulted if the comment had not been truly genuine. But I realize now at this juncture in the game that I am a vassal of knowledge. Eventually our society is going to implode in on itself and I realize now that my 'useless knowledge' of the Constitution, Locke, Montesqieu, Rosseau, etc is going to save future generations. And that many people are auditory learners. I have to contain this knowledge to spread to others so that the dream will never die. And that someone, someday will arise and overthrow this despondency that we have assuaged ourselves into. Someday their will be multiple parties and health care for ALL Americans regardless of race, religion, etc. Our race problems still exist, and they were more prevelant during Katrina than anytime. We need a national health care system for people.

And before anyone says "We need to defend ourselves from terrorists!!" I say fuck you, and your mothers too. Our US military hemorages money, money that can actually be channelled towards a legitemite education plan for the future, towards health care for ALL citizens, towards a strong infrastructure that DOES NOT need the US military's help to do jobs that civilian operations should be doing. Yes I am on a soap box now, but Goddamn it listen to my words!!! I only encompass the visions of the Jack Kennedy's, the Reagan's, etc. We need to open our eyes and change this mother fucking stagnant system that is taking over our people. We need change and we need it bad people. We need to get rid of our Corporate masters and break up the modern trusts that are forming under corporations and allow the true mechanations of Adam Smith and allow for a laisez-faire system. And get away from these words of Adam Smith: "And side by side with this museum of economical errors there was a most vigorous political economy which exposed them."

Smith spoke those words of rival economic power, France and how her political power ruined her economy. Smith knew the danger of hauling all your merchandise and your people overseas as is spoken in this quote: "He generally, indeed, neither intends to promote the public interest, nor knows how much he is promoting it. By preferring the support of domestic to that of foreign industry, he intends only his own security; and by directing that industry in such a manner as its produce may be of the greatest value, he intends only his own gain, and he is in this, as in many other cases, led by an invisible hand to promote an end which was no part of his intention."

The point of all this is that the enlightenment thinkers is where we have to turn to in order to find answers to our future. The problem is that we havent formulated the questions yet. I am a vassal from which to process these questions and have found a reason for me to live, even if it is for one more day. To answer the modern day question that can so simply be answered by the ancients. I must admit that I am a sucker for Zhu Ge Liangs references and allude many of my inquiries towards his teachings. Alrighty. That is enough of my ramblings for one night. I found one reason to take the pills from my mouth.

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Monday, January 23, 2006

I swear to God at this point I feel like such a burden to all my friends. I feel like all I do is bitch and complain to them, that as soon as I catch them I cant talk about whats going on with them but just how much misery I am in. Im sorry if I have caught any of you in the last few weeks on phone or IM with my misery. I wont burden you anymore.

What sucks is that I found out that I am losing another friend. I mean good for them where they are going, but it means one more person I wont have the fortune to see when I get home anymore. I cant take it anymore. I keep missing out on my life, I keep missing out on the good things in life, all for this fucking self imposed prison sentance that I feel I am going to break soon with a simple drink and downing of a few good pills.

I hate my life. I swear to God I hate my fucking life and I now hope that something terrible DOES happen to me in the next week or so. I just hate myself and all that I have done. I wish I was dead. Hopefully soon I will be.

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Saturday, January 21, 2006

I will all let you in on a secret. I HATE talking about my job. I hate what I do for a living, I hate the fact that I choose it even though I felt like I was on a year long acid bender when I chose it. You all get the point.

I bring this up cause a good friend of mine in another base always writes to me on IM about doing the same exact job 12,000 miles away. When I talk to people from 12,000 miles away, I want to know what is up with your life, how are the kids, what new drinks have ya discovered, who are you fucking, etc. All sorts of topics except for work. I dont want to talk about work. So the other night when I was in one of my more precarious moods he wrote to me talking about, yes you guessed it, work. I dont even know what he said, what I do know is that I wrote something back to him that brought the convo to a complete screeching halt and I will share it all with you here now, cause it did give me a chuckle or two:

Good for him...he should tell them his hamster told him to stab the commander with those tools cause Kutulu ordered him while he was on a coke bender with Brian Denehey and they were sucking their dogs cock, and then a bird flew in and said that pepperoni pizzas were half off while the neighbor blew up spontaneously.

I mean to me that is almost like someone that is pissing you off with just blah blah blah and you yack on their shoes and die laughing as they walk away all pissed off. I enjoyed this. To Bryan, no hard feelings. But I HATE fucking talking about work here, I most certainly dont want to talk about it on IM. Gratsie.

FIN.

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Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Its amazing. When ya need to talk to someone, NOBODY is there for you. But when you dont need them they all want to know what is going on in your life. And people wonder why I am a pent up grumpy mother fucker. And when there is no more chances for help they all say "well if I only did this. People stink with their sense of timing. They want NOTHING to do with you when you are at your lowest. And after all you did for others. At least that is the way it feels like. I am sorry if this seems accusatory cause it isnt. It is just how I feel right now, so noone take offense to it.

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Sunday, January 15, 2006

I have fucked up something good in the last 48 hours. I have gotten into a fight with a good friend, and I dont know what I said. I had drunk IM convo's and dont know what I said nor did. I feel like my world is collapsing and spinning out of control and that nothing good is going to come out of it. I feel absolutly awful about the fight I cant even recall. I have tried to call and apologize, but being drunk is not an excuse. I feel like I cant do anything right anymore and that something terrible is going to happen to me soon. I dont know. If whoever I was talking to on the phone last night reads this just know I am sorry if I was a dick. That is all. I am going to go crawl up on my couch now and allow my anxiety and worries overwhelm me.

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Ill be honest with you all, if I had a convo with you in the last three days I have been very drunk and I dont remember a Goddamn thing. I feel like I hit a wall and that my time is over very very soon. I honestly feel that something bad will happen to me and that I will be dead by May. I guess now I am feeling invincible cause that time is rapidly approaching. I dont give a fuck who is in my way or what your man given title are, you are a shithead through and through. Realize that people. Titles are just manmade gifts that we use to hold others down. Fuck them and defy them. If you learn anything from learn that.

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Thursday, January 12, 2006

I miss Tiny Dancer. And that is a reference to myself before it is at anyone else.

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Friday, January 06, 2006

I know I havent written since my last joyous blog. But I have had a week to stew and simmer. I did not have the best New Years. In fact, no disrespect to those I spent it with, it was the worst New Years I have had since I was 13. But that isnt the point of this blog. I dont do resoulutions. I just do. Or I dont. It is that simple, and yet so eloquently ripped off from Yoda ala Empire Strikes Back. I love Elton John songs. I mean who doesnt?? Well I love his earlier works. Their is just so much feeling there, and when used in the right context it can be powerful moving shit. And I know I havent been so moved by a song since I heard 'Here comes the sun' after my best friend Artie died. I know when I first heard this song whose lyrics I will paste, they were played for a show and it had me in fucking tears. I have heard a lot of EJ's songs but I never heard of this one till that show. And the way it was used had me in fucking tears. I am doing my best to learn it on the piano before I get home so that I may express it to you all. Well they are from "Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters", I love this song:

And now i know
Spanish harlem are not just pretty words to say
I thought i knew
But now i know that rose trees never grow in new york city

Until you've seen this trash can dream come true
You stand at the edge while people run you through
And i thank the lord there's people out there like you
I thank the lord there's people out there like you

While mona lisas and mad hatters
Sons of bankers, sons of lawyers
Turn around and say good morning to the night

For unless they see the sky
But they can't and that is why
They know not if it's dark outside or light

This broadway's got
It's got a lot of songs to sing
If i knew the tunes i might join in
I'll go my way alone
Grow my own, my own seeds shall be sown in new york city

Subway's no way for a good man to go down
Rich man can ride and the hobo he can drown
And i thank the lord for the people i have found
I thank the lord for the people i have found